The waves rise and dive in the horizon. The gulls are flying in the wind, searching for fish and crabs. Small wave splash hit my shoes. The water is calling on me. It wants me to jump in. Just dive down beneath the surface. Maybe they'll find my body after a few days, or maybe it will just flow around forever. I hope she'll find it. I want her to go on the beach with the wind playing with her hair, and when she gets to the water and her feet and legs is surround by the water, she'll feel something hit her leg. She'll look down, down on my dead body, and scream. And she'll hopefully feel the same pain and horror, as I did when she said it was over. When the text from her ticked in on my phone. When my heart broke in a million pieces, and all the pieces were thrown in the sea, and the water pulled the pieces down on the sea floor, to a place where the sun never will rise again, and the dark night will dominate. Forever. I want her to feel that kind of pain. And I want to be the one who gives her that pain.
I shake myself out of my daydreams or nightmare. I don't know the difference anymore. I think it's all just nightmares. My life is just one big nightmare. I wake up in my bed from one nightmare, just to find out that my life is worse than any nightmare could ever be. When I was a kid I often crawled into my parents' bed, when I woke up in the night after a nightmare, where a monster nearly ate me or something like that. But now I gladly go towards the nightmares I get in my sleep. Maybe a monster actual will eat me. Maybe I will be eaten and maybe, just maybe, I will get a little peace.
I get up from the harbour. And I think about her, again. I know she'll be sitting in her window frame, and soon she'll walk to the beach to take a quick dip before she goes to the beach bar, where she'll order an elder flower juice with two ice cubes and a slice lemon. Then she'll be sitting with all her happy friends. They haven't felt the life truly, they haven't felt the pain. They're still just small babies in life, and I'm an old man. An old heartless man. I know that I have made my choice. And I know I wouldn't regret it. And now that I know that for sure, I jump in the water. The cold peaceful water.
***
Words: 450
Written: October 2018
YOU ARE READING
A Sample of Essays
Короткий рассказA sample of individual imperfect novels. I wrote these stories in middle- and highschool. I need to proofread it, but I can't guarantee that it's correct now. I hope you'll like them. I translated some of them to danish.
