Rambling,because why not?!

Suicide :D

I really didn't want to do this. But I just knew you guys would deserve answers.

To anyone that's reading this,I hope you don't care about me. Because you shouldn't. And It wouldn't be good. I'm suicidal,boiiiii. Now you might be wondering,how the absolute fuck could a person like me be suicidal? Tbh,I have no Idea where I went wrong =_= But It happened :/ You might be saying,"But you're always acting so stupid and random! How the absolute-".Well my answer is...You don't know me that well. You're not really in the position to judge how I am by the way I act here. It's way more easy to lie on the internet than in real life in case you haven't noticed. I'm only stupid and random now because that's how I used to be. I act this way so no one notices any out of the ordinary changes with me.That's why I use silly,stupid language. I call people things like dude,Bruh,bro,man,and say things like lmao,lol,Hell Yeah,and Ye.Makes me seem pretty okay.

I'm kind of loosing hope by the minute actually. For everyone that's coming from my fanfic,this is one of the reasons I'm taking so long to publish a chapter.... I kind of feel like my end is near. I'm feeling more empty these days. All my laughs feel forced. My smiles feel awkward. I just feel the colour draining from me. Every time I laugh,I feel like crying. All this dealing with other suicidal people is wearing me out. I don't want them to die,but I know I'm too useless to do anything. Every time I try to reason them into staying alive,I'm loosing all my reasons to live. Makes me wonder if I ever really had any reasons to begin with... I've only been holding on lately because a voice in my head keeps telling me people care about me. I'm not that convinced though. Heh...That must be me to other suicidals. I don't even know why I'm feeling like this. Where did I go wrong? What the hell did I do to take myself here. I feel bad for lying to all the people I've met. I'm not okay! Surprise! Sorry for lying! I don't want to make others feel like giving up too though. That's why I hide it here! Yay. I don't want it to seem like everything I've said to those people that want to give up seem like lies. Because they're not. They're just things I can't seem to apply to myself. I'm so weak. I'm getting tired of fighting this invisible demon everyday. It's getting ridiculous. I can't keep dragging myself around everyday. I just know I can't. I've never thought of myself as depressed. I think there are any problems with me. I just think I'm dramatic and a brat. An idiot. Yay! More reasons to die. So sarcastic lol. If I end up disappearing on both accounts for a long time,you already know what happened. So hi. This was just a warning and also a possible last goodbye,I hope I don't have another day. Hopefully I'll die in my sleep. But that's just wishful thinking. Sorry for being a waste of time,space,and oxygen! I might be joining them soon. So goodnight everyone. I hope you live to see tomorrow.I still care about you all.