Pete's POV
(A/N: This could possibly be a bit triggering so if you are easily triggered please stop reading now.)
I was struggling to keep my thoughts on good things. My mind was twisting everything and making me see only the bad side of things. I could not go back to my old habits now, not after so much progress, but i still kept a small box of blades in a drawer on my shelf. Simply knowing they were there in case i decided to use them was all the comfort I needed at the current moment.
My thoughts are racing and I'm begining to panic. I can feel my body tense up and I can't breathe. I hear a muffled sound that seems to be someone calling my name but from behind three walls. The sound gets louder and louder until i finally manage to open my eyes. I look up through what I realize to be about a foot of water. My body shoots up and i find myself sitting in my bathtub, the sound turned out to be Patrick calling my name through the bathroom door. I turn to the door in time to see it swing open and a small blonde sprint to where I was.
"Pete? Are you okay? You wouldn't answer, i was worried..."
I looked down and played with my hands in the water. "I-it happened again... I- anxiety attack..."
I sighed as he noticed something on my face. He reached to the counter and brought back a washcloth. After dipping the washcloth in the water, he brought it to my nose and that's when i realized that there was blood. I must have gotten a nosebleed and not realized.
"You have to call me when you feel it coming on Pete, i can try to help."
I looked up at him and gave him the faintest smile and a slight nod.
He smiled, "Did you actually clean yourself up or did you just soak?"
My silence said it all, I had indeed just lied in the water for a long time.
I watched him as he reached over and grabbed a bottle of shampoo before he poured some on my head. He smiled at me as he massaged it into my hair. He was gentle. He made sure his voice was not too loud when he spoke, which was not too often. He rubbed his fingers on my scalp and wheen he was done he cupped some water in both his hands and told me to close my eyes. I obeyed and he seperated his hands, letting the water fall on my head. He repeated this a few times before getting up. I noticed he was soaking wet, his shirt and his pants stuck to his body.
He noticed me looking and said, "Don't worry about it, i was about to get dressed for bed soon anyway."
He handed me a towel and left the bathroom for me to get dressed. I stepped out of the bath, drying myself off with the towel. It finally occured to me that Patrick had seen me completely naked, I hadn't covered myself at all. I sit on the edge of the bathtub and look at my lap. He couldn't have missed them. I traced the silver lines with my fingers wondering why I was stupid enough to forget to cover up. He didn't even know about my problem, I never told anyone.
I heard a soft knock on the door followed by a soothing voice, "Hey Pete? You alright?"
Bless him for being so concerned, really, I don't think anyone has ever showed this much concern.
"Yeah, comin..." I get up and quickly put some shorts on before opening the door to find Patrick standing there with a smile on his face. He pulls me into a hug before letting go and going to lay on the bed. I think at this point he's moved in, he rarely leaves other than to go get clean clothes from his apartment. I watch him pull out his phone and probably go on twitter. I smile and go to my desk to retrive my beloved notebook and a pen.
I sit down next to him. He looks over and sees what i've brought with me. He knows I write when I want to feel better so he goes back to his phone and leaves me be. I open my book to a page where i have already begun scribbling things down.
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
But you've got me looking in through blinds
I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type
I read over it again and again before adding more.
I’m sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well on my own
I’m sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well on my own
I read over everything together several times. I am pleased with what I've come up with so I shut the book and set it on the nightstand next to me. I lie down and wrap a hand around Patrick's waist. He leaves his phone and turns to face me, tangling his legs with mine in the process. He holds my other hand with his own before kissing me on the forehead.
The room goes silent for a few seconds before i hear what I look forward to every night.
"Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you, could I lay in your bed all day..."
