You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
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When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
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The life of a celebrity came with an invisible burden that sometimes went unnoticed to the public's eyes. She guessed maybe it was because some were so blind to people's feelings and the fact that they were actually human too, that they did nothing but judge. Spewing words after words which started with a simple sarcastic comments to an openly hate comment; they said they were not to blame. We were free to express our feelings anyway, but she just had to ask. If someone didn't put a fucking billboard or shout the fact that they were hurting, did that mean they were not hurting? Were they meant to broadcast their feelings or literally shout it from the top of their lungs, just for you to believe that maybe, just maybe, something was wrong with them? That they were not okay in the first place? Because if she knew one thing, it would be this, people could be so silent about their problems that you forgot they were in pain.
To say that she was blind to her pain, would be an understatement. One would actually mistook her as the careless one, who wouldn't? She was one with the weird personality, always laughing and seemingly careless of what others would think. Truth to be told, most of the things said about her was true, she didn't give any flying fucks for those oh so called 'netizens' think about her. Because, in the end it all went back to her. The centre of her entire universe, who no one would thought to be very self criticising and more self conscious than the rest of them.
She don't think the rest of the members noticed of course.
For in her eyes, she was but a tiny lovely sunflower. Oh so beautiful in her aspects when she bloomed in such delicate and simple fragility. For she still smiled, though all is left but a poignant regret.
'What distress had caused you to be in such demur, little flower?' Her heart had once wished to ask.
But just like every other question she has, she had never once uttered them, too afraid that it'll change the dynamic of their monochromatic relationship. She stayed silent, but all the while assertive to every little movement her little sunshine makes.
They, the public, were nothing but blind.
Dear you, the people with the unseeing eyes, how could you be so inconsiderate? To inflict such hurt in her sunshine's eyes? Such genial soul they said. Always one with the softest smile and purest heart, as gentle as the caress of Spring who sings a sweet velvet lullaby for the flowers to bloom and hope to blossom.
But is it?
Who are they to know that maybe her smiles aren't real? That it was just an artificially made beauty? A hocus-pocus from the amount of hours she spent in front of the mirror looking on every crease and details in thirst for perfection. They do not know a thing, because it is not them who stood peeking in her doorway, heart sinking deeper and deeper by each comments made by her sunshine's as she listed all the things 'wrong' about her. Her body, her beauty, it was never enough for her inner artist who strives for nothing but perfection.
Because all in all, all that she had left was just a heart that love no longer show and a soul turned dull and gray.
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I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
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Entry#23
October 25th 2017
I thought I saw you frowning today. But it was gone the moment I blinked for a second. I saw you with a smile already plastered on your face, I don't know what to do, I thought I imagined it, but I knew it was real, the fact that you're sad today. I might not show it, but I hope you're okay now :)
P.s. You look pretty today.
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When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there's no one there to dry your tears
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Smile...
It was snowing, a bone chilling December night when all the lights inside the dorm are off but one. She lay on her bed with her knees held close to her chest, eyes devoid of the usual twinkle. Her hunched figure contrasted the whole happy go lucky persona that painted her imagery. She didn't sleep nor did she close her eyes. She stayed there with her eyes unblinking and mind haywire.
In...Out...
The sound of her deep breathing reverberated deep inside the silent room, as the first drop of tears started to fall. It started as a tiny muffled sob, but the tears just wouldn't stop and somehow it ended with her desperately trying to silent her sadness as her cries grew louder and her heart a little heavier. She clawed at her chest and covered her ear, because, oh god, she begged to whatever God is out there, she hoped they'd listen and chased her demons away.
Smile...
"stop... please..stop..."
The pleas went on and on until the luminous golden light started to peek through the curtain, dawn had come and once again, any tears and cracks had suddenly disappear without a trace.
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Oh, I'll hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
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Entry # 25
October 27th 2017
Your eyes looked puffy today. I tried to ask you before we went to get breakfast, but you shrugged my worries off, saying it's because you just watched some sad old Korean dramas. I knew you just lied to me, but I honestly don't know why you're doing this.
Lisa, please tell me, I don't want you hurt anymore. Share me your burden please...
P.s. I 'm here
