The Broken Suicide

The Broken Suicide: Part 5

Baby is crying in the background, RICKY is standing in the living room seeing his past before his eyes. I see young RICKY watching television annoyed with the Baby crying. His mother goes to the playpen to quiet Noah. "awe, who is hungry?" Says my mother goofily. Young Ricky snorts in disgusts as he's watching spongebob. I stare at young Ricky as he gets more frustrated with Noah's crying. "Oh stop it" says his mother. You're just jealous Noah is now in our lives. Young Ricky grew angry and stormed off. I followed young Ricky to his room. He closed the door and I walked through the door to see him crying. "Why doesn't anyone pay mind to me anymore.. I just want to be loved.." I turned away unable to cope with the past.. My past.

I turned around to see darkness but I could hear my parents arguing.

"SO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SLEEP WITH OTHER WOMEN?!"

Screams my mother. I try to understand why I can't see and turn behind me to see young Ricky awake in fear and confusion listening as well. I can't see because I never saw what went on. Dad replied to mom saying "she's just a friend" I heard glass breaking. "JUST A FUCKING FRIEND???.. That's why I found her underwear under your side of the bed?!" Young Ricky covered his ears and I could no longer hear anything. As I turned back, I see Noah crying in his crib, as young Ricky comes inside closing the door. "I hate you... You ruined my life... You shouldn't have been born" Noah stops crying and smiles at young Ricky. Young Ricky stares at his brother and picks him up. I realized that was when I loved my brother.. It's not his fault.. His birth had a purpose like mine. Young Ricky sat on the floor still cradling his younger brother whispering "I love you Noah... I can't believe I came in here to.."

The door was kicked down and Ricky's father comes in with a belt.

Young Ricky puts his brother back in his crib and stares into his father'a cold demented eyes.

"STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM" he screeches. He rushes towards young Ricky like a bull and grabs him. I smelt alcohol in dad's breathe and knew what was coming. Dad drags Ricky to his room and locks the door..,before you know it he was beating young Ricky savagely with the belt. I screamed "GET AWAY FROM HIM! "HE'S JUST A BOY" I couldn't touch them. Young Ricky cried for help as I turned to hear the baby crying and mother hitting the door yelling at dad to open it. I grabbed my hair and screamed for them all to shut up.

I woke up

The nurses were in my room chatting. I decided to stay quiet and listen. "This kid is crazy" says one Asian male in his late twenties. He was about 6 feet, tan and decent looking. "He's just traumatized from what happened" replies the nurse I had previously stabbed with the sedatives. She was blonde, in her late twenties, had a scarf around her neck and had a tattoo that said ," I don't live to die, I live to live"

The Asian male walked to the sink to wash his hands. "he stabbed you with a needle and it was your first day?!" The blonde nurse looks towards my direction and back at the Asian nurse. "Awe that was nothing. I went through worse as an intern... Try being chocked by a 6'3 body builder.. His wife passed away and he blamed us... I tried to calm him down and he chocked me... That's why I wear this scarf"

The blonde nurse removes the scarf to reveal wounds on her neck

"Oh god.. That looks.." Says the Asian nurse. "I'm happy I lived.. And that's all that matters to me"

The room became quiet as chills went down my spine. Seconds later, the male nurse asks her, " Do you think he killed his father?" Indicating me. The blonde nurse shakes her head. "He's not guilty lee."

Noah

Mommy stopped visiting like she used too. I don't know where Ricky and daddy are.. I feel so alone. This cancer was getting to me. The treatment the lady nurses gave me caused me lose all my blonde hair. Yesterday, a girl came in , with no hair too. She seems sad too.. But her parents and brudda come visit her.. Why is she sad?

Noah turns to look at the girl, she is facing the opposite direction. Noah whispers to her, "hey are you okay?" The girl doesn't respond. I look back at the ceiling and started to cry. "I miss my brudda."

Ricky

I was released from the hospital but I was sent downtown for further investigation about the "murder". I was alone in the room with Detective Stan. He was in his early thirties, tan, muscular and that one guy that every girl would sleep with. The one thing that caught my eyes were his piercing green eyes. He made me look pathetic. My brown hair that was uncombed, my clothes that looked "faggot like" to kids at school, skinny and ugly. Detective Stan eyed me down for a few more minutes and said ,"why should I believe you didn't kill your father?" I squirmed in my seat. "Because I didn't do it.. I wanted to kill myself not my family" I looked down ashamed of what I just said. "Why did you want to kill yourself?"asks detective Stan. My eyes met with his and I replied," because I hate who I am.. I'm a monster.. I didn't deserve to live.. My family was better off with out me." "Funny because your mom tried convincing you to not shot yourself in the head with a shot gun" we both glared at one another. "You don't know what I've been through.. If you experience the pain I went through.. Maybe just maybe" detective Stan slams his hands down on the table. "OR maybe your a selfish brat that didn't appreciate what his family has done for them." My chest started to burn as I balled up my fists. "Your father didn't want to die.. You killed him out of anger!" I got up facing detective Stan in tears screaming, " I FUCKING LOVED HIM!.. He was my only father and I love him! He did some messed up crap.. But I would never kill my own father!" Detective Stan stared into my eyes as tears kept pouring down. " I HAVE NIGHTMARES... I can't sleep" I cried. Detective Stan looked at me sadly and then composed himself. " i promise everything I told you is the truth.. If I have to take a lie detector test.. I will" I continued. My lawyer silently entered the room. Her name was Ms. V. She had her hair in bun, late 60s, looked unusually grumpy."How dare you question my client without my presence" scolded Ms. V. I felt my face get hot. "Well hello to you too Ms...?" "Ms. V" she replied harshly. "Please don't question my client while I'm not here." I run my hand through my hair hoping this was all just a dream. "Maybe if you came sooner , I wouldn't have been impatient" said detective Stan. Ms. V and detective Stan eyed each other down like hawks until I cleared my throat. Ms. V took a seat next to me. "Let's do this" smirked detective Stan.