Chapter 39: You're In My Veins

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Jon's P.O.V.

Eight hours. Eight hours it has been since Vivian was brought here to the hospital. I've been waiting impatiently for news on her condition. I hope she and the baby are okay because if I lose them, I won't live with myself. I don't want to feel responsible for losing my family. God, please let them be alright.

I've been in the hallway of her floor with Joe, Colby, Mercedes, Ashley, and Pam. I'm the one who hasn't stopped crying for hours. But, I can't imagine what Mercedes is feeling. She and Vivian are twins. They feel what the other is feeling. They know when the other's in pain or something.

I feel like such an idiot. This is all my fault. It's my fault my wife got hurt and that our baby is in danger. If it weren't for me acting like such a fucking child, this wouldn't have happened. Even though Vivian and the others forgive me, I will never forgive myself, not even a little bit.

"You alright, man?" Colby asked me. I looked up at him as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Does it look like I'm okay?" I asked him. "Bro, your family will be fine. I promise. She's a tough girl. She'll pull through and the baby will be okay." Joe told me. I shook my head as I stood up. I paced back and forth, running my hands through my hair as more tears fell.

"Dammit!" I yelled as I punched a wall beside me. Joe and Colby rushed over and prevented me from repeating it over and over again.

"This is all my fucking fault! I caused all this! I wasn't there for her! I wasn't god enough to protect her! Fuck this! I don't deserve to fucking live! I'm a damn mistake! I don't deserve to be her husband or the baby's father! I'm just putting them in danger more and more! Am I not good enough?! I wish that Curbstomp through the cinder blocks killed me!" I yelled, sobbing uncontrollably into my brothers' shoulders.

"Jon! Calm down!" Joe shouted. "Don't you ever fucking say that again, Jonathan David Good! Never again!" Colby added. I sobbed as the girls looked on, possibly feeling my pain. I clutched onto my brothers, screaming and sobbing my feelings out. It took about 10 minutes until I finally calmed down.

It was then we saw the doctor walk towards us. I wiped my eyes as he stopped. "Family of Vivian Varnado?" he asked. We all nodded. "Alright. Well, things are looking okay. There was some internal bleeding, but we took care of it. Luckily, the baby will be alright. Vivian's injuries aren't severe, so she's lucky. However, she has suffered a concussion and we don't know when she'll wake up. All that can be done is waiting." he explained.

"You all can go in and see her." he told us before leaving. All of us walked to her room and I opened the door. I opened it and I cried as I saw the breathing mask on her and the wires attached to her. I lost my balance, but Joe caught me. Mercedes sobbed loudly into her hand as Pam comforted her. Ashley cried as Colby comforted her.

I walked over to her and knelt down beside her. I took her hand in mine and kissed it. Her warmth made me feel a little at ease. The others stood at the foot of the bed. "Can you give us a moment?" I asked them. They all nodded before they left the room. I looked back at my sleeping wife and began speaking.

"Vivian, if you can hear me, please wake up. I can't go on like this. I can't go on thinking you won't wake up. I'm so sorry for everything. If it weren't for me acting like such a damn child, this wouldn't have happened. I'm sorry for not being there for you and our baby. If I could change that day, I would. I shouldn't have yelled at you or let you go. I regret every single second of it. I just want you to know that I love you so much. I love our baby as well. Please make it, Vivian. For me. For the baby. For us. Please Baby."

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