Human || Lams (Completed)

I Want to Give You Your Grin

John opened his locker the next day, a piece of paper falling out and onto the ground. He opened it, reading the lines of words he'd read the night before at Alex's house. The torn up piece of notebook paper even still had a small piece of John's note visible.

He hesitated before he shut his locker, eyeing a magnet on the backside of the door. He grabbed it, squishing the folded paper under it and quickly walking away.

------

John finished fourth period, got his lunch, and walked to the lunch table. Peggy, Hercules, and Lafayette all looked up at him.

"Have you seen Alex?" Peggy asked, still chewing her food. "All of the band kids-"

"Orchestra," Herc corrected.

"Right, that, they already got out of class, and he's definitely not in there- we checked." Lafayette nodded.

John frowned. "No, I haven't." He thought back to the note. Alex had to be here to put it in my locker, he thought. "Did you guys check outside?"

When they shook their heads, John sighed, picked up his tray and pushed open the doors to the field.

He found Alex there with a pen in his hand and a book next to him in the grass. It didn't look like he was writing any words on his arm, rather angry strokes, and loops. He stopped when John sat next to him, rolling his sleeve up. He stayed silent, keeping it that way for about thirty seconds more before John softly chimed into the cold air.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Alex snorted, a score for John. "Only if you have real money."

John could tell it was a joke, but he played along and reached into his back pocket for his wallet. He didn't have any coins but settled for a dollar to hear his mind at work.

He tapped Alex's shoulder, holding the paper money in front of his surprised eyes, "I didn't have a penny, but you can pay me back later."

"You, Mr. Laurens, are totally the smoothest person I've met," Alex laughed, taking the dollar and waving it for emphasis.

He cringed at the use of his last name, a reminder of what his family was told to stand for. How terrifying would it be for his father to see him with another boy? And his mother would have been so disappointed if she were here to know.

"Good to know, I wasn't even trying." John huffed out a strained laugh, replying sarcastically to continue the joke along. "So..." He prompted.

"Ah, right. Are you okay with this?" He looked at John, wrapping his arms around himself and shivering. "Like actually okay. I'm not keeping you from anything?" The inaudible "or anyone" that John could hear perfectly well hung between them. The air was tense, and the silence heavy.

But it gave him room to think. Think about what Alex was probably actually thinking about this situation, keeping his thoughts and opinions hidden in subjects he didn't seem fit to express them in. He thought about how disappointed his friends would be if Alex and him "broke it off"- hell, if they told them they'd lied- and directly after, Alex went to go ask out another person. How it would be to see Alex with his crush.

He must have gotten at least a dozen strands of hair caught in his mouth from the wind in the time it took for him to sort out his thoughts and answer, "I'm okay with this... are you?" he winced.

The other barely looked up, swaying and picking blades of grass, "Of course I am, I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't," he mumbled out.

They stayed that way for a while, and sometimes their shoulders would brush together, or Alex would sneeze and John would get so caught up in his own mind that he didn't even say bless you. He just stayed cooped up and wallowing about how none of this was real, just a façade, like he did at home, just this time Alex was right next to him.

The quiet was interjected by Alex's voice echoing, "Penny for your thoughts?" He outstretched his hand, holding the dollar John had given to him, "I only have a dollar, though."

John looked up and smiled, not taking the dollar. "We should get going, the bell's probably gonna ring soon." He stood up, taking his tray to the trash can, about to dump the food inside, when Alex stopped him.

"But you didn't eat anything." He squinted at him.

"Neither did you," John pointed out. He dumped his food in the trash and set his tray on the cart next to it.

"Eh." Alex shrugged.

When they got inside, Peggy and Hercules were waiting by the door. Alex took his hand and John had to stop for a second to remind himself that it wasn't real and that Alex wasn't in love with him. It made him want to pull away, but seeing the smile on Alexander's face when he grabbed back made him want to continue forever, just to be the one to make him happy.

"You guys were out there for hours," Peggy whined, "At least give me a heads up, I texted you like fifty times!"

John blushed. "Sorry. Where's Lafayette?"

Hercules spoke this time, "He's talking to Adrienne and made us leave. I guess he just realized that it's not that late in France, so he called."

Alex hummed. Lafayette could be a bit overbearing, so it made sense that he was the same in his relationship even when they were an ocean apart.

The bell rang. Alex's hand was gone from John's.

"I'll see you later, yeah?" Alex asked, going in the opposite direction.