Human || Lams (Completed)

Lean For Me and I'll Fall Back

John stared at the text, tilting his head in confusion.

A.Hamilton: Come to the orchestra room after school, I have to ask you something

He'd gotten it in the middle of sixth period, strange, considering that the school didn't allow phones unless they were in your locker, and it seemed unlikely that Alexander Hamilton had ducked out of class just to text John. He felt his face heat up at the thought. Ha.

He shrugged off his biting thoughts, gnawing at the skin of his fingers in boredom as he walked to the room next to the cafeteria that was forced to be shared between orchestra and choir students. He'd only been in there once, on the first day of freshman year, before he got a schedule change to avoid his anxiety going haywire after it was implied they'd have to sing solos in front of the class to see what section they would be placed in the room based on their vocal range.

As he finally opened the door, he was greeted by a rush cold air, the result of the school shutting off heating in certain rooms of the building that were supposed to be vacant. Alex had complained about it multiple times- him being a violinist- because of how easy it was for string instruments to break if exposed to extreme temperatures for long periods of time.

The sound of a Carrie Lane Gruselle piece- "elementary; too easy" Alex had called it- filled the room, the white walls seeming to come alive as the music drifted through the air. He was letting out a goofy smile by the time he finally set his eyes on Alexander's disgruntled face as he messed up a slur.

"I thought you said it was easy," John teased him, gazing at the poems written in blue ink on Alexander's skin. Alex's eye twitched and his brows furrowed further at the comment.

"My hands hurt."

John almost laughed at that. Of course they do. You never stop writing; playing. Even now, from where he was standing, he could see a fragment of a poem on Alex's arm:

One thing I've realized;
First impressions are also last,
That of course gives you no room...

John was surprised he could even read that much; even when he stood directly in front of Alexander's outstretched arms, he could barely read through the shaky handwriting and smudging ink.

They let comfortable silence hang between them as Alex gently placed his violin in its case as though it were a baby. Alex had turned back to him with an expectant gaze after he'd done so. He would do this when he didn't want to seem overeager- wait for the other to breach the topic of discussion he wanted.

"What did you need to ask me?" John inquired awkwardly.

Alexander bit his lower lip in thought, practically bouncing in his seat. He took a minute or so to gather his thoughts completely, releasing his now bleeding lip to answer John's question.

"I have a crush on someone," Alex stated.

"Okay?" The answer had taken the breath out of him.

"And you know how I haven't had my first kiss yet."

"Yeah?"

"I trust you, like, a lot. And I was hoping you'd be fine with helping me with..." He trailed off, gesturing in place of finishing his sentence.

John's face was burning, but he powered through it. "You want me to teach you how to kiss?" It was said as more of a statement than a question.

"Well yes, but also the entire relationship... routine?"

John laughed in disbelief mixed with confusion about Alex's childish phrasing. "And what does this routine include?"

"I dunno," he mumbled back. "Show me?"

John beckoned him to the rack of music stands he was in front of, stiff with discomfort, "Okay then. Over here."

Alex followed with wide eyes, watching intently as John moved the boy's hands to his neck while he put his own on Alexander's waist and jaw. The contact made John shudder just a bit.

While John would never admit it, he hadn't exactly kissed anyone either. Just pretend like you're in one of those movies, he told himself. He leaned in closer, waiting for Alex to close his eyes in preparation for what was to come- but he never did, even when John learned even further and the grip on the boy's waist tightened.

"Alex," he breathed out a laugh as Alexander hummed in response, "close your eyes." He watched as Alex blushed, hiding his face from John's view before looking back at him with a confident stare.

It was Alex who initiated the kiss this time. He leaned up to John's face, having to strain his neck to match his height. He shut his eyes once John's lips were just off of his own.

John felt his knees threatening to collapse the second Alex's lips pressed to his. It was closed mouthed, John being afraid of teeth clashing or maybe his breath smelled bad and why would Alex want to truly kiss him anyway-

The sensation was the cause of his brain short-circuiting, leaving him helpless to do anything more than stand there, letting the boy just kiss him. It was nice, finally having Alexander's calloused hands around him, impossibly close but not close enough.

When Alex pulled away, John had to restrain himself from letting out a noise that would have no doubt been embarrassing for them both. The shorter, slighter man pulled at his own baseball tee's sleeve, unnatural in comparison to his usual attire of sweatshirts.

John awkwardly smiled, making a move to leave, when Alexander Hamilton, a man full of surprises, asked him a question he never thought he'd be asked.

"Do you want to go public with this?" He quickly added, "for normalcy's sake, y'know?"

John wanted to. Really, really wanted to. The thought of walking through the halls with this wonderful boy seemed like the most appealing thing imaginable- but the most bitter thought came to mind. Every time, Alex would be thinking of someone else. Every time they'd walk together, kiss each other, hell, even talk to each other, he wouldn't be thinking of John, but rather the person in the foreground that he was actually in love with. He'd bend over backward for Alex, but who was to say that he'd do the same? If he fell, would Alex really be there to catch him?

Despite this grim thinking, John complied. "If it'll benefit your... education," and walked out of the orchestra room with a sour taste in his mouth.

------

Though I would believe it to be obvious by now, John was absolutely smitten by Alex and had been for a while. The feeling was overwhelming, consuming his being more and more every day.

He'd met Alexander on the other's first day of Junior year when searching for Samuel Seabury, who'd promised he'd give his science notes back to him. When he finally saw the redhead, instead of calling out to him a flourish of black hair and frantic rambling filled his vision.

"Hi, I'm sorry if this isn't a good time, but I'm looking for my tour guide, and the office said he called in sick? I don't know what to really do," his voice was laced with desperation and panic, and John could see his chest heaving as his breathing picked up.

He knew that feeling of trying to fit in, sudden shakiness and sweat on your palms, knowing that it was obvious that you didn't belong. He sighed and took one last glance towards Seabury, before taking Alex's schedule and jerking his head down the hall, "come with me."