Love Sick Fred (Drop Dead Fred Fanfiction)

Chapter Five

As Natalie finished with her bath, Fred sat alone on her bedroom floor ripping the heads off Barbie dolls like some crazed otter shelling clams. Their tiny plastic bodies piled behind him, while he stuck their heads on the tops of pencils he'd found in a desk drawer. This was his brilliant plan to distract himself from a complete and utter panic until Natalie went to sleep and he could get back to work on figuring everything out.

Fred snatched up the one called Cindy and held her at eye level. "You die next!"

"No, no, no!" Fred's voice switched into his best impression of a scared little doll begging for mercy. "Please, Mister! I don't want to die! I have to go shopping and wear new shoes and prance around in lots and lots of pink things! Don't kill me!"

"Pink!" he exclaimed in his normal voice. "Yech! Green is better, you know! That's the dullest excuse I've ever heard. Well, say goodbye to your pink life!"

"No! Please, I have so much to live for!"

Fred scoffed. "Live for? Like what? What's so fancy schmancy about your life anyways?"

"Ken!" The doll sighed, romantically.

Fred twitched. "Ken? That girl?"

"Shut up, Carrot Top! He's not a girl!"

By now Fred had absolutely forgotten he had any control over Cindy. "Oh, puh-lease! How do you know? I've seen Nat Brat dress him. There's clearly an important piece missing, and I would know!"

Cindy giggled. "Oh, I know... We've done lots of pecking; we're a couple of pigeons!" The doll cooed.

Fred's jaw dropped. "Oh, gross! ...That's disgusting!" He put extra emphasis on the last word.

"Is not! I know what I want! Do you?"

Fred blinked in amazement. "You're nothing but a plastic little tart, aren't you?"

Cindy didn't say anything, making Fred uncomfortable.

"What're you smirking about?" he asked.

"Nothing... It's just, that's what Mickey will do with your Lizzie, you know."

Fred's stomach filled with that sickening feeling again. He tried not to show it. "So, what do I care?"

The doll started making smooching noises, then moaned, "Oh, Mickey do me, do me!"

Fred's eyes bulged. "Oi, stop that! Dammit, now I'm fucking picturing it!"

The mental image of Fartpants going at it with Lizzie like some fluffed up cottontail on meth assaulted his senses. The bastard was grinning and Lizzie moaned and shouted his name like she couldn't get enough! Fred felt an enormous stab of jealousy shoot through him and he suddenly wanted to tear Fartpants apart. He couldn't look at this anymore!

In an act of desperation, Fred slapped himself hard across the face. The images stopped; however, he couldn't help noticing the lingering sting.

"Jealous, Fred?" Cindy asked.

Fred felt his face warm, and not because of the slap. "Of what, you tiny lunatic?"

"That he has her and you don't. Bet you wanna shag Lizzie yourself!"

Fred did a double take. "I...Who are you to..." Fred's face turned red and he couldn't think. "Piss off!"

"Fred loves Lizzie! Fred loves Lizzie!" The doll made more kissy sounds at him. "Drop Dead Fred wants to do it with Elizabeth Cronin!"

"No I don't!" he argued, voice cracking.

"Do too!"

"Do not!"