Little Do You Know

four

"Go ahead and watch my heart burn, with the fire that you started in me"

Rosé shivered slightly as she sat in the coffee shop, drenched from her head to toe. Her usually bright and sparkly eyes were now dull and swollen from crying. Her usually good appetite was now completely gone as all she ordered was one cup of espresso which she clutched softly in her hands.

"Its over" tears once again started pooling in her eyes as she pulled out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts and stopped when she spotted her best friends name, Lisa.

"What can I tell her? She doesn't even know that I...that I like girls." Chaeyoung thought to herself as her heart raced. Chaeyoung wanted to talk to someone but she wasn't open although she was ready to open up to those close to her. But she was too afraid; she didn't want to loose any more people.

Just then a memory from her trainee days came back to her.

"Chaeyoung-ah can I talk to you?" Chaeyoung looked up from her guitar to see Jisoo standing at the door.

"Of course unnie" she smiled as Jisoo walked into the room and kneeled in front of Chaeyoung grabbing her hand.

"Look Chaeyoung, if something is wrong, if something is bothering you, you can tell me"

"Uh...what makes you think that I am bothered by something?"

Jisoo smiled at her sadly "Its pretty obvious. You are very distracted, you haven't been eating properly, and I can see your eyes swollen from crying time to time"

Chaeyoung looked away"Oh"

"Everyone is worried about you especially Lisa. You guys are best friends yet you barely spend time with her anymore, or with me and Jennie. You just sit locked in your room. So please if there is something that's bothering you, share it."

"Unnie I...I don't know" Chaeyoung knew though, and she wanted to tell Jisoo. She wanted to say "Unnie I think I might like girls, I know this because I really like Jennie unnie but she likes someone else and I don't know what to do. It's so difficult keeping all this to myself but I can't tell anyone...not yet" she thought to herself but didn't have the courage to say.

Jisoo noticed the hesitance in her eyes "Very well then" Jisoo said squeezing her hands "It's ok if you are not willing to tell me, but vent it out, write a note or something. Trust me it will help" Chaeyoung nodded and Jisoo stood up to leave "And we are always here for you Chaeyoung-ah"

"Excuse me" Chaeyoung sheepishly approached the counter "could I...could I get some tissues and a pen please?" the lady at the counter gave Chaeyoung a look of pity as she handed her what she asked for.

Chaeyoung bowed and went back to her seat as she began writing on the tissues.

"6-07-2018 I am sitting in a coffee shop alone, just me and my stupid broken heart. Sometimes I really wonder why I let this happen in the first place. It wasn't like there was any chance of her returning my feelings, but I still let her in. I regret not having walked away the moment I started catching feelings for her. It didn't take long for that to happen after I came over to Korea but I'm not sure the exact moment when it happened. Maybe it was when she would sit by my side at 4 am during my first week and hold me while I cried my heart out missing my home and my family. Maybe it was when she took me to Hongdae for the first time. We weren't alone but it felt like we were as we held hands and ran around the streets until we got tired. Maybe it was when I was yelled at during evaluations and she came after me when I ran to cry in the bathroom, so she could wipe my tears and give me courage. Maybe it was because of the times she came to me and asked me to play her the guitar. Maybe it was the time when she arranged a surprise party for me on my birthday, it was the first time we danced together or maybe it was when she stood up for me when those girls ganged up on me and bullied me.