"what." i could hradly hear myself.
"let me tell you a story. please. sit." he said as he showed me the bed.
"no." i could feel my cheeks on fire because of the tears which were running down my face.
"please chaewon." he said as he came closer to me. he tried to hold my hands but i immediately pulled back and withouth realising my palm was found on his cheek. he made a step back while kept looking at the floor.
i started crying and crying as i kneeled in front of the door and hid my face in my palms.
"i-i didnt know back then.." he said and i felt him sitting next to me. "if i knew you i would have never--"
"shut up yoongi" i shouted through my tears.
"i am really sorry.."
"okay." i said and stand up.
"what?" he copied my moves.
"i want you away from me." i said and i left the room, had no more tears left. he didnt follow me.
as i started walking through the hallway i coulf feel my feet shaking. i couldnt think i felt empty. i stopped infront of an open window. i could easily end my life by just jumping. what is the meaning of keep living. i mean, i just found out that my dad didnt killed my mum. that he didnt deserve what i did to him.
i should not have been in here or in the asylum. i could just live a healthy and happy life with him. i know it would be hard at first without my mother's present but it would be worth a try.
i tried to be optimistic, with dahyun and jinhwan. jinhwan. i thought i knew him. i was wrong. and yoongi. what about him. by our first sight i felt that he could be the perfect illusion in this living hell. but it seems like he is the devil. a beautifull devil, with a sweet smile. yeah that is what he is.
"hallo young lady." junmyeon said with a cute voice as i walked into our room. "hey hey hey what is wrong." he stand up from his bed and put his hands on my shoulders, as my tears made their appearance for the second time.
"i think you need to sit." he held my arm and leaded me to my bed. "okay okay relax, whatever happened you are with me now nothing is going to happen yeah?" he sat next to me and started playing with my hair.
after a few minutes and with junmyeon's help , i could finally breath again.
"so do you wanna talk about it?" junmyeon said, his voice was soft and full of interest.
i nodded. Well how am i suppose to explain the situation um.
"almost 2 years ago my mum was murdered.." i started saying.
[...]
"ummm.." was the only thing he mamagedto said after i stopped talking.i dont blame him. He stand up and started walking all over the room with his hand on his forehead.
"you dont have to say anything." i tried to make him feel less uncomfortable.
"no i-.. j-just give me a second" he said and looked outside the window.
"okay look." he said as he looke at me again. "i will pretend i didnt hear the whole asylum thing. Do you love that yoongi guy?" he asked.
"n-no."
"oh you hesitated. Listen i am sorry, i dont know how to help you. I mean i whish i could but this is just too much for me. Unlike you i live an ordinary life. I will be dead in less than a month and i dont wanna die thinking about murders and--" i interrupted him.
"you what"
"im.. sorry i didnt tell you." i could see tears in his eyes as he sat in the small sofa in the corner of the room. of course i couldnt hold back mines.
"its not a kidney or something. its hard to find a heart." He said and he tried to smile. He failed.
i stand up and started walking towards him.
"get up." i said by the time i was standing right infront of him.
he did as i asked, and as soon as he was standing on his feet i hugged him.
he seemed confused at first but it didnt take much time for him to wrap his hands around my waist.
"take mine." i whispered but he immediately pulled back.
"w-what did you say."
"take my heart. I dont need it anymore." i said and for some reason i felt ..free?
"no way!" he said-shouted and sat on his bed. "no way." he repeated this time i could hardly hear his voice.
"What?why not? I hate my life. I wish i was--"
"dont say it! listen to me. You have people. Do you believe that yoongi would kill your mother now? Look i dont know the guy and i am not saying that his actions can easily be forgiven. I saw your eyes when you talked to me about him before. Listen to what he has to say. I may known you for just a few hours but i think you deserve happiness. You can build your life.i know its hard because of thw ashlum and staff but if you just wait untill you are free again you could who knows move to america with or without yoongi. Have family. Your own family. I cant do that anymore. I was engaged. She left me as soon as she learned about my illness. My parents died. I..i- cant have children." He made a small pause and looked at the floor. "I am going out to take some air. Thank you chaewon be careful.live your life." He hugged me again as he walked out of the room.
"junmyeon.." i whispered shocked by his words.
its strange how humans can hide their emotions that well. By the time i woke up junmyeon couldnt stop smiling and spreading his good energy. But what we see it is not always what it is. I couldnt stop complaining about my problems while his life was getting worse and worse.
Maybe i should listen to what yoongi has to say. junmyeon might be happy to know that i talked to him.
with these thoughts, i grabbed a jacket and i opened the room's door.
I started walking the hallway when around six, or maybe seven, nurses had gathered near a window. Some of them were crying.
"junmyeon?" i said as soon as i looke outside the window. A man was laying on the road, inside a red small lake.
I made a few steps back as i lost my balance.
You stupid it was obvious he was planning on coming back.
I covered my mouth with my hands trying to hold back from screaming and crying.
i failed.
----------------
I cant believe i cried while rwitting this one. ALSO I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING INNACTIVE I WILL START WRITTING MORE OFTEN I PROMISE
