Sexiest Man Alive

1| Don't Dethrone Me, B!tch

A/N: This initial idea was brought on because of the anime that is currently airing. DAKAICHI -I'm being harassed by the sexiest man of the year- and the its manga Dakaretai Otoko Ichii ni Odosarete Imasu. I liked the story but the main character kind of looked like Izaya so I felt I had to write this lmao. It won't be the same plot completely but it'll start out that way. It all depends on how I'm feeling. 

Izaya stared at the current rankings. He blinked a couple times and checked again. He refreshed the website. He restarted his phone. This wasn't a lie. He was now second place on the "Sexiest Man Alive" poll. 

"What the hell?" Izaya wanted to throw his phone at the wall. "I've been #1 for five damn years who the fuck is Shizuo Heiwajima?!" he immediately googled the guy. He was a newbie in the modeling industry. "This shithead thinks he can just enter the industry and take my spot as #1? Well, you've got news coming, bitch," the salty man ran over to his workstation and continued to do research on his (self proclaimed) arch nemesis.

"Namie-Chan," Izaya called, "Who do you think is sexier? Me? Or this bleached buffoon?" 

"Boss," Namie, the agitated manager, replied, "I don't think either of you are attractive."

"Oh, right," Izaya rolled his eyes, "you're a pervert. I forgot," Izaya leaned back in his swivel chair and sighed. Namie only had eyes for her brother. It was incestuous and disgusting but Izaya had absolutely no right to judge. He didn't really care what her preference was as long as she did her job. 

"When is my next appointment?" he asked. Izaya was trying to change the subject so he didn't have to worry about the purple sunglasses wearing bitch. 

"We need to leave in approximately ten minutes," Namie answered. She had no interest in telling her boss that the very man he currently loathed was supposed to be modeling with him today. She would much rather enjoy his frustration upon realizing he would have to suck it up and play nice. Namie was a sadistic jerk. Izaya loved and hated her for it. 

Izaya continued to look into Shizuo Heiwajima. "Angel my ass," he scoffed, "this guy screams demon. Why are women so blinded?" he continued to bad mouth the man. Namie ignored him. The more he decided to hate Shizuo the more Namie was looking forward to their meeting. 

"It's time to go, Boss," she said. Izaya stood up, stretched, and the two made their way to the photo-shoot location. Izaya was a model and had been a model since a young age. People found him to be mischievous and adorable so his fame only grew. For years he was the most popular man out there. Now, he was second place just because a newbie decided he was all that and a bag of chips. 

Izaya followed Namie around the photo-shoot location. He met with the photographer, the crew, and the rest of the models. "Goddamnit," Izaya muttered under his breath. "The newbie is here," he glared at Namie. Namie only smiled in return. 

"Orihara-san," Shizuo spoke and outstretched his hand, "it's a pleasure to be working with you."

"Pleasure is all mine," Izaya smiled back. He tried very hard to hide his malice when he took Shizuo's hand. He was very good at pretending to be friendly. He had practiced the skill all of his life. 

"Okay guys," the photographer spoke, "Orihara-san is going to be the fallen king that was recently dethroned by Heiwajima-san. That's the theme we are going for here. Get into your costumes and let's get ready!" Izaya shot death glares at Namie, who only smiled back. Why did he hire such an asshole for a manager?

Izaya sighed as the makeup artists worked their wonders. The costumes gave off a samurai-era vibe. Long and flashy kimonos. Wooden sandals. Izaya didn't have to think about much to get into character. The premise was basically what he was living through right now. 

He glanced over at Shizuo who looked noble. His outfit was a bit brighter and newer. Izaya's was supposed to look old and outdated. Damnit. He hated this job sometimes. This project would be the worst. 

The two were positioned before the backdrop. Izaya was forced to kneel before the new 'king' for his beheading. The lighting changed and the camera made its normal clicking sound. Izaya could only handle this position for so long. The anger was building up inside. With a swift movement he swept his leg out, knocked Shizuo off his feet, and held the sword by Shizuo's head. He smiled sadistically down at the 'corpse' of a man and stepped on his chest. 

"Don't dethrone me, bitch," his eyes spoke for him. Shizuo was shocked. He had been told of Izaya's random outbursts during a photo-shoot but he wasn't prepared for something like this. 

"That's a wrap!" the head photographer yelled. "You're wonderful as always, Orihara-san. You never fail to surprise me."

Izaya smiled and took his foot off of Shizuo. He offered his hand to help the man up. It was time to play nice again. "I apologize for that," Izaya wanted to gag. Saying nice things was his least favorite thing, "I'm known for being absorbed in my role."

Shizuo accepted his hand and stood up. Izaya immediately turned and walked away. He wanted to get out of this costume. He wanted to go home. Izaya kicked the vending machine on his way out of the building. "Damnit," he cursed, "fuckin' asshole acts like such a damn angel," he mumbled. 

"Orihara-san," Izaya looked behind him to see Shizuo standing there. What a time to be alive. Izaya forced a smile. He didn't hear that, right? "would you like to get a drink?" Shizuo asked.

"I can't, I, uh, am very busy tomorrow," he lied. 

"No you're not," Namie appeared out of thin air. She shot Izaya a good ol' fashioned smirk before continuing. "Feel free to go out. You're next appointment isn't until late in the day. This bitch. 

"Namie-chan," Izaya wanted to strangle her, "are you sure?" Namie nodded and waved as Shizuo grabbed Izaya's hand and dragged him out the door. Izaya wanted to die. He wanted to die a thousand times. Could a bus run over him? What if a vending machine fell from the sky and he died like that? Anything but this. He didn't want to get drinks with this bleached buffoon. Izaya shed a single tear. It was going to be a long night.