Embers & Ice

Chapter Sixteen

In the days that followed, Hunter climbed out of her grief and depression and fell deeper into the cold fear that swarmed the institution like angry bees. Though she eventually became used to the routine and the testing and the morbid atmosphere, she still felt it clinging to her soul. At night, when the lights were off and silence danced around her and her blanket didn’t warm her enough, she felt it the most.

The fire became like a dog deprived of taking walks: it grew lazy and hid away. Often she felt so empty of warmth that she feared the fire had diminished completely. She practiced circling the flames through her skin, from her toes right up to her scalp. After that, she felt better. And then she would become cold again.

Things about the outside world she took for granted were now in her thoughts constantly. Things like sunlight. It would be coming into winter soon in New York, but even to see the sky would be glorious. She missed take-out, movies, even school. She missed her freedom.

One other thing she felt ashamed to miss was Joshua. Yes, she hated him with every fiber of her being, and whenever her thoughts strayed to his despicable acts, the fire raged. Perhaps it was the familiarity of a guardian that she missed more than Joshua himself. But then she remembered the small things. Like his snow globe obsession, or checking to make sure he hadn’t left the ripped tissue on his face after he cut himself shaving. And despite all he did, Hunter regretted taking him for granted, disrespecting him at times, and especially not realizing just how much he sacrificed for her.

And it took the death of a loved one and an abduction by scientists for her to grasp that.

Every now and then, she wondered about Jack and if he was safe, or if Joshua had killed him too. But the one person she yearned for and would never see again was Eli. It didn’t pack quite a punch as it did the first few weeks after his death when he never left her thoughts, because now she was far more distracted. But the ache still remained and it would until she found something to be happy about. Sometimes, in spite of the awful and nauseating feeling in her stomach, Hunter tried to remember things about Eli. She remembered never feeling so happy than to be with him, a normal girl if only for a little while.

Until Joshua ripped him away from her.

Hunter tried not to let her anger cloud her mind and stop her from keeping focused on her present. Not much happened after her first couple of days in ICE, but she preferred to stay sane for as long as she could. And wallowing in either grief or anger didn’t help.

She spent most of her time in the breakfast hall and common room with the others she’d ‘made friends’ with. That included Zac, who was consistently cracking jokes or speaking sarcastically or asking annoying questions that Hunter always ignored. Chantal often grilled her about fashion in the outside world – something Hunter couldn’t care two hoots about. But she felt bad for the girl, so she made it up. Benji and Ryo were just happy to sit around and listen to the conversation, and Fearne was there from time to time. Hunter had no idea where she went otherwise. As for Jet and Mikayla; they kept to themselves after Hunter’s falling out. She wondered if Dr. Wolfe really scared Jet after he was sentenced to Solitary for provoking her, because there were no more suggestive smiles or winks in her direction.

The other kids waved at her sometimes, or otherwise left her alone and stopped staring. Once she was no longer ‘the new girl’, they treated her like one of them. It felt nice to be in a place – however horrible it was – in which Hunter truly belonged.

It was around the four week mark, and she decided to hit the showers before dinner. Grabbing a towel and fresh clothes from her cell – where the Men in White left them each day – she ran to the girl’s bathroom and was relieved to find it empty.