Counting Stars ☯ ashton

Chapter 2

I wake up in my bed later that night with a bad headache. My mind floods with memories of what happened and I instantly feel sick again. Why can't I just be normal? There are so many things wrong with me that I can't seem to fix, no matter hard I try. My nails are already making crescents in the skin below it. I walk rapidly to my bathroom with clenched toes and whine with frustration. This girl I see in the mirror isn't me. She's got smooth skin that people call flawless. If only they knew it's even more scarred then theirs. There are so many things that are hidden in my core and not shown on the outside. I wish it matched, my body and my soul, so that people would know. So that people could be warned.

I drop to the floor and curl up into a ball as a tear drips off of my chin. My aching soul forces me to ball my fists and clench my toes. A painful cry escapes my mouth as my body rocks back in forth.

"Shut the fuck up, Jess. Don't cry."

I'm talking to myself and crying on my bathroom floor, clarifying that I am indeed a teenage psychopath who can't deal with her past and feelings.

I don't deserve to be loved. My mom doesn't care because of who I am. And she's right. No one should waste their time on this worthless price of shit I am because I'm done. Utterly done. With myself, with my life. Just done.

By the time my rant is over there's blood all over the floor and a new set of cuts for me to hide.

•••

Today is a gloomy day. Tuesday, August 26, 2014. It's still a bit hot here but you know what I'm wearing. I think fresh scars help cleanse my mind a and the slight but constant sting keeps me distracted. It works.

I think today will be a quiet day for me. Not much talking. Luke's not on the bus so that makes it easier. He offered to drive me but I declined.

The day goes by in a blur, I of course barely acknowledge anyone because, in all fairness, saying a simple hello will never impact my life whatsoever. I might as well take the easy way.

I get home from school in a really shitty mood and kick off my shoes a little too harshly.

"Jessica, would you be quiet I'm on the phone!" There's my ever so delightful mother.

I harshly flash two fingers at her closed doors and stomp to my room, slamming the door behind me. As usual, the cozy bed of mine awaits in the middle of my room calling me and my laptop. I practically tear off my jeans, jump into a pair of flannel pants, hop on my bed, and continue season 2 of the best show ever; American Horror Story.

I'm taken away from reality as I snooze off into Netflix and a bag of pretzels I found on my dresser.

•••

Sorry! Really short chapter :)):(/): I've been REALLY stressed lately because of school starting and I've also been feeling kinda gloomy, not wanting to update. I hope you liked this chapter and I know I'm an amateur but I tried. Anyway, bye!