Reylo One-Shots

Secret

Even during the loneliest times I always knew our bond was still there, somewhere hidden deep inside me even though many months had passed without it presenting itself. I don't think that will ever change whatever the future may hold or however long this war lasts. We are forever connected and I believe we always have been. There is nothing or no one that could ever change that. Too much has been shared between us. We have seen each other's past and futures, our successes and failures, our hopes and fears and as much as I feel alone at times I know that I'm not. He is out there somewhere in the galaxy and he is a part of me now whether I wanted him to be or not.

I think back to the last time I seen him on Crait. It's a moment that replays in my mind more often than not and sometimes I imagine that I don't close the door on him at all and things play out very very differently. The truth is it took all the strength I had left to close that door and a part of me will never forgive myself for that but I needed to accept the fact that I was wrong. Ben Solo cannot be turned. Well not yet anyway... and not by me. Only he can make that decision and I want to help him more than anything if he would only let me. But I need to wait for him to realise this. And I can wait, however long it takes. I'm good at waiting. I still have a glimmer of hope however small it may be.

The last time I saw him though was not the last time I felt him. It happened a few weeks ago as I was going about my new daily routine, repairing what I could of the run down ships we have acquired for what remains of the Resistance. I was rewiring an old A-Wing when I near jumped out of my skin in surprise when his Force signature unexpectedly brushed against mine. I froze, numb, scared to move, afraid if I turned around he would be there and even more afraid that he wouldn't be. The feeling left as fast as it came but it was him. I would recognise him anywhere. It was Ben.

About a week after that it happened again. I was in the middle of a training session in the forest on my own, where if truth be told I spend most of my time, sweat dripping off me, my breathing erratic and my staff swinging so fast before me it was only a blur. Suddenly I could feel him. His presence was so strong it consumed me. I was sure he was there right next to me. My heart started beating so fast it was like it was about to burst from my chest, it was so loud I could hear it pounding in my ears, my hands started to shake and I turned as quickly as I could but there was no one. I was alone. This time his Force signature lingered. I searched all around me convinced I would see him but I didn't. After a few minutes I felt him fade away. I sank down onto my knees and waited in the hope that he would come back. He didn't though and I felt my heart break once again.

Then tonight it happened again. It's the middle of the night and I lay wide-awake as sleep evades me, as it always does, and I feel him coming to me once again. The pressure in the room changes and I just know he is getting closer. I close my eyes and try to even out my breathing. I want nothing more than him to be there with me when I open my eyes. The pressure in the room relaxes and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is here with me now. I can feel him looking at me, watching, admiring. Keeping my eyes closed I softly speak "I know you are here". I hear his breath hitch as I slowly open my eyes to find him sitting on the bed next to me and finally after far too long I am able to see him and he is exactly as I remember regardless of the time that has passed. Our eyes lock and even after everything that happened I couldn't help the small smile that starts to appear as I tell him "I always know when you are here". He breaks eye contact as he reaches over slowly with slight hesitation and gently takes my hand in his as he whispers, "I've missed you". My stomach flutters and my heart aches and I feel my voice start to falter as I hold his hand a little tighter and I whisper back "I've missed you too Ben". He lifts his head, his deep black eyes searching mine as he edges closer to me trying to read my thoughts. I instantly drop all my barriers and let him in and he quickly finds what he needs. He sees straight into the essence of my being and takes great comfort in the fact it mirrors his own conflicting emotions.

We are but two souls floating through the galaxy who against all the odds have found each other, who want to be together and need each other like they need the air they breathe. It's not just that we aren't alone anymore. We can deny it no longer. I am his and he is mine. Forever.

Even after all this time of me being with the Resistance I've not told anyone about the bond we share. I don't even know how I would begin to explain it. I've made friends here, a life for myself and that would all change if they knew. They would look at me differently, even more than they do already after seeing me use the Force. And how could they not? I wouldn't blame them for that. A member of the Resistance having compassion for the Supreme Leader of the First Order! It's ridiculous. So I've told no one. It's my secret.