Operation Marriage

Chapter Nine - How to Honeymoon

Chapter Nine - How to Honeymoon

"Should we take a selfie with the waiter or something? I don't know. I can't just take a photo of my glass of diet coke. That's boring." Devon said, fiddling with his iPhone. He had his other two cameras in his rucksack, which sat under the table. We were sitting at a table for two in the hotel's restaurant, sitting beside the massive window that overlooked the coast. A tanker ship was sailing past, cutting through the waves quickly, carrying crates full of oil. It was actually a spectacular view. We would have to have a walk down the coast path and look at the cliffs sometime. I wanted to do that, and besides, it was a good opportunity for a photo. I wanted to put Devon's photographer skills to the test.

"How about you take a picture of the view from the window. See if you can get the lighthouse. It's rather lovely, isn't it?" I said, gazing through the glass. Devon sighed and put his phone down on the table where his plate of food was going to go when it came. He then leaned down under the table and unzipped his rucksack. He then sat up straight again, holding a Nikon camera with a thick strap. He then turned in his chair and put the camera to his eyes. I could see him bite down on his tongue as he steadied the camera, trying to get a good shot. He clicked the button and then looked at the screen. He looked more or less satisfied.

"Can I see?" I asked. Devon held out the camera towards me. I took it carefully. It was heavier than I thought, so I was careful as I looked at it the picture. My eyebrows shot upwards into my fringe. Devon was probably smirking at my reaction. "You know, you're actually quite talented at quite a few things that I didn't expect. Never tell anyone that I said that." I said, handing Devon back his camera.

"My lips are sealed." Devon said. Your lips are twitching with amusement, more like. I sighed and straightened my fork and knife so they were in line with each other. I hated unorganized things. Even the dog toys here and there in my room had to look symmetrical and compromising to each side of the room, otherwise I would go slightly mad. I looked up and saw Devon looking at me. "I'm a little bit OCD, too." I looked at his half of the table. He had made sure everything was straight and in line. His camera was set down so it was opposite of his glass of diet coke, and he had even moved the salt and pepper pots so they were diagonal and actually quite aesthetic.

"I guess we have more in common than we first thought." I said, eyeing Devon suspiciously. He shrugged and moved his camera another centimetre to the left. "But not that much, I mean, seriously. Come on. It looked better a couple of centimetres to the right!" I suddenly exclaimed, gesturing towards the camera. Devon grimaced and raised his hands.

"Yes, from your perspective, but from mine it looks so much more even like this! I like even." Devon whined, using his hands to exaggerate his point slightly. I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair, yawning. Devon sighed and then looked longingly across the restaurant. "I think I'm doing to die from starvation any minute."

"Well then you need to distract yourself. You picked up a couple of leaflets on the way here, didn't you?" I said. Devon looked confused for a fraction of a second, before realisation smacked him across the face. He smiled and reached into his rucksack and pulled out the two leaflets he had picked up from the reception on the way to the restaurant. He opened one of hem and coughed slightly, clearing his throat.

"The Wave Crest Hotel: Not Just a Hotel." He read aloud. He then skimmed through the leaflet and, as he did so, his jaw lowered continuously. "This is not just a hotel. This is some, freaky, leisure centre, resort thing and we are definitely not going to get bored. You can go bowling, swimming in the indoor pool - I'm glad I brought swimming shorts - rock climbing, go for wildlife walks in the nearby woods...seriously, the list takes up two, freaking sides of the leaflet!" Devon had to tame a breath to recover from the shock of the activities taking up 'two freaking pages'. After taking another breath, he placed that leaflet down and looked at the front page of another leaflet. "I picked this one up because I thought it was appropriate for our situation... How to Honeymoon: A Guide for Confused Newlyweds at the Wave Crest Hotel."

I couldn't help but snort with laughter.

"Confused newlyweds? Well, it sure does sound like us. So, enlighten me, what does this leaflet suggest that we do? Pray tell me." I said, resting my head in my hands, propping myself up on my elbows. Devon opened the leaflet and cleared his throat again.

"Well, it says here that the hotel suggests that you should settle down in the hotel by taking a romantic bath with candles and soaps provided. You can ask for rose petals at the reception, which help with..." He drifted off as a look of disgust took over his features as he continued to read, his nose crinkling up and his cocky smile turning into a grimace of utmost horror. "Well, um, we won't be trying that. Now...let's see. The hotel manager recommends a walk down the beach at either sunrise or sunset. I think we can manage that, but I don't know how romantic it will be." He then skimmed through the rest of the leaflet, before shredding it up. "Utterly useless and gross. We are not going to read that ever again. I may need to bleach my eyes. It was just so...soppy and far too loved up. Ugh."

"No. Don't use bleach. Use car battery acid, it's much stronger." I said. Devon rolled his eyes at me, also shooting me a quick glare. But he didn't seem angry, more amused. "Hey, so anyway, what do you want to do tonight, you know, after dinner? We should get started on the journal, but we don't really have much to put inside of it."

"Let's go for a so called 'romantic' walk down the cliff paths. I think I should be able to get some lovely photos on the coastal paths, especially with the-"

"Shut up, Devon, food's here." I said as the waiter came over and gave us our plates. That definitely shut him up for a while. He didn't say another word throughout dinner...well, until he decided that we were both going to take a selfie (lies, it was definitely more) with the waiter, who looked absolutely shell shocked in it - or rather, every single one of them.

I think the waiter made a special request to the head chef or whatever not to serve the young married couple, Mr and Mrs Jones, ever again, because he thought that they were both insane and that they scared him. Well, what could I say? Nothing much, really. Besides the fact that Mr and Mrs Jones were definitely both insane and that Operation Marriage was only just getting started.