Do you love me as much as I love you?

chapter 1

*TROYE'S POV*

Sometimes my mind wonders.It's not really a good thing i think too much into things and i get distracted, but i love to be in my own world daydreaming of what would happen if i didn't live in Australia or i never became a youtuber stuff like that.

Sadly when i think to much into things i also think about what this person thoughts and opinions are towards me this therefore creates paranoid thoughts, which concerquently means i am always trying to look perfect or sound perfect and most of the time i act differently to who i really am so not many people know the real me.

If you can get past my protective shield which is what i call my fake persona then i must absolutely love you or you've drugged me.

These paranoid thoughts and fake personas also means i am very self consious and don't like to show my body and if i do take it as a complement because that oficially means i trust you extremly and i don't go around trusting people light heartedly.

I don't really have a social life in Australia i long to move to America or England, the only reason i haven't already is because of my family plus it would be a big change but i would be around my friends it would be amazing.

Not to mention i would have more job opportunities.Not that i would ever quit youtube i just mean i could do alot more collabs and meet ups also i wouldn't have to pay as much for traveling if i lived in America or England unlike Australia.

Anyway it's alot to think about i really need to get a grip on life.

*TYLER'S POV*

Why do i do this to myself?

I just keep repeating that same exact question over and over again in my head.I woke up this morning with one of the worst head aches anybody could ever have; trust me i have had lots of head aches. Plus just to make it worse i am naked in a bed with a also naked guy next to me who i don't even remember meeting at all in my life.

I hate myself complete and utterly hate myself right now.I don't even know what i want in life and yet i'm wasting my time doing this to myself repeatively.

The worst thing is this is the second time this week i've found myself in this situation.Not with the same guy of course actually i don't know it might be i was that drunk last night i don't even remember his name or what he looks like.

I carefully climb out of the bed in a hopeful search of finding my clothes.After i have found all of them and quickly get dressed, luckily i also found my phone and car keys too.I quietly make my way out of the apartment and start to look for my car on the street.

Once i found my car, drove home and had a shower i get changed into a some clean clothes and put my phone on charge.I really need to sort my life out.

I am a train wreck that is just getting worse, i have been putting on a fake smile for a while now and all i want is my real one back.I want a steady relationship i am getting too old for these drunken one night stands i am not a immature teenager anymore so i should stop acting like this.

I need someone to put me back together 'coz now i am falling further apart.