What Keeps You Sane ✔

[-7] Cereal

~December 8th, 2018

I was awoken by the sound of muffled moans coming from outside of my bedroom. It wasn't a question who's they were; I had gotten used to them by then. It was even more obvious when you considered the fact that my mom's boyfriend had left early for work that morning, leaving her all alone (or quite the opposite).

I got ready for school and headed down the stairs for my usual small bowl of cereal for breakfast. I was silently thankful when a particularly large groan came from my mother's bedroom and then they were done. My cereal was gone all too quickly and I left the house. I began walking to school. My lack of a driver's licence forced me to walk those two miles in the morning.

Upon arriving at school, I dropped my backpack in my locker and roamed the halls aimlessly until I found one of my friends. In typical fashion, Yana was the first person I saw. We greeted each other and Yana made a sarcastic joke about the weather getting colder (it was early December, but of course we had gotten no snow in southern Georgia). Not too long later, Trinity, Andrew, and Preston all showed up.

Us girls typically didn't make much conversation with Andrew, but he was Preston's best friend and hung out with us at school. Trinity and Yana were very close to me, on the other hand, and were the only people I felt like I could be completely honest with (or something like that).

Preston was on an entirely different spectrum. I had very strong feelings for him, and I was fairly certain he reciprocated those feelings. From the sweet good night texts to the time we kissed, Preston always treated me like I was someone he loved. Except, neither of us had made any serious moves.

The five of us strolled throughout the halls in my school talking until the first hour bell rang. The signal caused us to all split up and head to class. My first hour was with Yana, as were most of my classes, so we walked together.

"You should do something about Preston," She nagged. I sent her my typical look for that suggestion, which she gave me a lot. Confrontation was not my strong suit.

"I'm not comfortable with that," I murmured. Getting out of my comfort zone wasn't a strong suit either. Not many things were.

Yana deeply sighed, glaring at me. "If I were in your position, I'd totally take advantage of that."

I sat down in math class and looked over at my friend. She may have been jealous of my situation, but I was for sure more jealous of her looks. Yana had long, light brown hair that fell in perfect ringlets. Her blue eyes held too many shades to count, her dark rimmed glasses complimented her beautifully, and her full lips had me wishing I was her. With a light dust of freckles on her nose, Yana was perfection that I could only ever hope to be.

I was not cute. My boring brown eyes held no life, my dirty blonde hair had gross split ends, and my mole above my lip seemingly damaged my ridiculously pale complexion. My body felt thick, not curvy like Yana's, and it made me want to never eat again. I had always wondered why someone like Preston would ever want me. Or anyone for that matter.

Preston had eyes like night, skin like gold, and hair like honey. He was tall with a magically slim body and his dimples on his cheeks made me want to swoon. Everything about everyone around me seemed to be flawless.

~~~~

"Hey, uh, Mara?" I heard a soft, deep voice say from behind me. I turned at the sound of my name to see Preston. "Can we talk?"

I nodded and followed him out of the school. The day had just ended and I was preparing to walk home, but of course I wasn't going to reject an offer to speak with the guy of my dreams. We travelled together away from any people who could eavesdrop and Preston eventually settled on a grassy spot underneath a tree. After we were both seated comfortably, he began speaking.

"We never talked about that kiss," He began, instantly making me feel weird. I was a high-reactive introvert, and discomfort came easily. I'd been avoiding that subject and just wanted to continue our commitment-less relationship.

I took a deep breath and decided to let my feelings out, "I know, and I felt awkward about it because I like you a lot but-"

"Really!?" He cut me off excitedly. His dark eyes shone the most amount of happiness I had ever seen. "Because I've been in love with you for god knows how long. Will you go out with me?"

If only he had let me finish. I was about to speak out again when I truly realised what he had said. "You love me?"

"Yes, I love you," He replied easily. My gaze at him held confusion, I didn't understand how you could love someone you had barely ever had romantic encounters with. I mean, we had only kissed once. After taking a deep breath, I chose not to change my answer (despite knowing that Yana would probably be pissed at me for it later).

"I'm so sorry Preston, I like you too of course, but I'm just not ready for something like that," I gulped. "A relationship."

I needed to love myself first, I had decided, but I hoped he would treat me the same regardless of my answer. Those good night texts kept me sane.

Of course it was my fear of commitment, my self consciousness, and my need to sleep with guys that made me fade away from a guy I seriously liked. Of course it was my mental health issues.

~~~~

My daily session of tutoring Yana in math was over, and I was ready for yet another fun night. I hopped into the car with my mother, chatting casually as if what we were doing was completely normal. And it was, for us at least. We went out to get guys all the time (despite my mother having a boyfriend).

Once we arrived at the 16+ dance club that allowed teens inside because of their strict no-alcohol policy, I left my mom to her business whilst she left me to mine. My sights were almost immediately set on a hot blonde who looked to be around my age. He was chatting with another guy, but was seemingly very bored. Perfect.

I did my usual thing, which thankfully involved no words exchanged. I attempted a sultry hip sway, keeping my eyes boaring straight into his as I walked towards him. Once I caught his gorgeous blue-eyed gaze, I beckoned him to follow me to the back room. With one last glance, I turned on my heel and sauntered over there. I knew he would come with.

Before I knew it, the guy's lips were on mine in the locked room and we were ripping each other's clothes off. He uttered words about how beautiful I was as he layed pecks along my jaw and neck. Self esteem shooting up for a short amount of time, I was satisfied without even finishing.

I did that for a reason, and it paid off in the moment.

~~~~

The next morning, I acted as if nothing had happened. Because truly, nothing did. When I walked downstairs after getting dressed, I was greeted by Allen, my mom's boyfriend of 3 years.

He offered to make me eggs and bacon (to which I refused), before he left for work at his usual time. After a thorough and frantic search through our pantry, I came to the conclusion that our cereal was gone. That sent me to decide on not eating breakfast at all. I sent my mom a quick text before leaving for school, which read:

we're out of cereal. please get some more on your next trip to the grocery store.

After I sent that, I checked my other messages to see one from Preston from the night before. I thought he had quit sending me them after I rejected him, but it still said:

good night ♡ sleep tight