Rodrick x Fregley

The First Encounter

Rodrick. I'd known him all my life, because I'd been stalking Greg Heffley. At first, my obsession was directed towards Greg. There was something in his chocolate brown eyes and short stature that was just so appealing to me. Seeing him throw apples at patty made me nut. But then, one day, we were at the roller rink, and Rodrick performed. I was in love. I wanted more of this sexy with the black eyeliner. His eyes, they were like black pools of love. I grabbed Rebecca, my taxidermied raccoon, and went to consult with her as to how to win over the love of my life, my everything, the reason I would wake up in the morning, (aside from Rebecca, obviously).

My name is Fregley. My obsession with Greg dispersed immediately after laying eyes on Rodrick. Rodrick. How, how, how, was there a way, for us to be together. I started by watching him every night. I would sneak out of my house and go hunt for small creatures, preferably rodents, and every night I would go watch him sleep and at around three in the morning, I would go plant the creatures in his van, his glorious van, which featured the logo of his band, which produced such sensual music, that I'd stolen many CD's of them. Every time I snuck into the van and smelled Rodrick's cologne, I would imagine us together. We would be the perfect couple, my flaming red hair against his perfect dark locks.

One day, they were rehearsing. I had subtly followed Greg and Rowley home from school because I was trying to get closer to them, in order to score an actual invite to the home where my man resided. I crouched behind the car in the garage, which fortunately was open, breathing heavily, and listening to the beautiful voice, of my would-be husband. All of a sudden, I heard footsteps behind me. I was shoved violently. I turned, and came face to face with my future mother in law, Susan Heffley.

"Salutations, Susan. How are you on this lovely eve?" She raised an eyebrow curiously and said, "Rodrick, are you seeing this?"

My prince came around the van, shocked. When he was me, we briefly made eye contact. I lost my breath for a second. His eyes were so dark, and benevolent. He reached for my shirt and caressed my chest for a moment, before slamming into the van with a sensual grip.

"What are doing, you creep? Are you friends with Greg and Rowley or something?"

I couldn't even see his face anymore, somehow in the commotion, my glasses had fallen off, and I was nearly blind.

All I could do in the presence of my prince was mutely nod. I was so awed by his beauty that I couldn't even speak.

I had nearly forgotten that Susan was still there. "Rodrick, don't hurt him!"

"He can handle it, can't ya," he said, mockingly. It was impossible for his velvet voice to sound threatening, though. And plus, he thought that I could handle it! Which, I mean, I couldn't, I was about to piss myself, but STILL!!!!! Was he like this in bed?

"Now," he said, getting real close, close enough that I could smell his heavenly scent. "Get the f*ck out of my swamp. I mean garage. I love green trolls"

"I do too! You wanna come over and watch it with me, bud?"

"Only if your mom allows it. And if we can get a little steamy-I mean swampy. Or humid. I don't know. Swamp stuff."

All of a sudden I blinked and came too. Rodrick had thrown me on his driveway and I'd hit my head so hard that I'd blacked out for a moment. I woke up to Rodrick and his mom yelling at each other, and Rodrick's fellow band members had all left. I was alone on the pavement. 

I wanted more alone time with Rodrick, so I quickly sliced my knee so that he'd feel bad and get me a band-aid. It worked. Susan made him go inside for a bandage, and I seized my opportunity and followed like a cougar. In the hallway, I passed Greg and Rowley, and Greg gave me the strangest look. 

I waved. "Fregley? What are you doing here?"

"Nothin you need to worry about, Gregory," I replied in my smoothest tone. "I'm just hanging with Rodrick."

Rodrick turned back. "Yo, Greg, who the f*ck is this kid?" In my mind, I answered, your one true love. But perhaps he didn't know that yet. 

As we reached the bathroom, where I suppose the first aid kit was, I saw a jar of lollipops, only it was in Manny's room. I started drooling. How embarrassing! My mom never lets me have candy.

"Hey, Rodrick, can I have some candy?" I asked, in my sweetest voice.

"Yeah, sure whatever just get out of my house," he mumbled.

"I love it when you do that," I said, unwrapping a cherry flavored lollipop and sucking it as sexually as I could. "Wanna lick?"

"No, I don't want AIDS, and what do you love?"

"When you talk and it makes me spring," I answered, smiling. "Did you know that I'm a full four inches now?"

"What the f*ck, kid?" he growled. "Here, take the band aid and go, you f*cking perv."

"Wanna kiss it better?" I asked. 

"Out. NOW," Rodrick said assertively. I loved the perturbed look on his face. God, he was so hot.