Rodrick x Fregley

The House Party

I frantically clamored out of my home and ran with Rebecca the owl across the street, to ward off the hooligans attacking my beautiful prince. I opened the door, and lo and behold, a teenage hellscape of underage drinking and red solo cups appeared. I saw so many slutty Sesame Street characters. Goodness! My Rodrick being exposed to this! What happened to sweet little Cookie Monster? I wanted to gouge my own eyes out, but I knew I had to protect his.

The living room was dark with moving lights. It made me wanna have another seizure. It was so loud, the house felt like it was shaking, as pool noodles and animals were tossed from one end of the room to another. Poor Rodrick! He could get concussed by one of these noodles!!! There was much potential for a blow to the head. Smh.

I was a stalwart prince, gallantly rushing up the softly carpeted, yet rickety stairs. "I'm coming for you darling," I whispered under my breath, as I interrupted teens doing lustful acts. There was a closet at the top of the stairs, which I thought nothing of until I realized there were pleasureful sounds coming from it! My goodness! My Rodrick! Could he be making someone his bitch right now? How I wished it were I as the bitch instead.

I valiantly swung the door open, but inside, I found not Rodrick, but Greg Heffley and Rowley Jefferson! And Rowley Jefferson's pants had fallen off! Silly boy forgot a belt!! I started sniggering at his Minion boxers. "Oh my god! Fregley, get the fuck out of here!" Greg yelled, as he violently pushed my chest and shut the door on my poor piggy finger. 

"OWWWWWW! Release me at once, you fiend," I growled. The door opened once more to permit my finger to escape and then shut immediately. I heard the pleasureful sounds start again, and I sighed but scampered devotedly down the hall to rinse my finger and also, to find my would be husband.

First, I stopped in the bathroom. The shower curtain was closed, but I could hear some animal sounds coming from it. I saw the farrell animals fighting! Perfect for my taxidermy! I could tell they were quite large, which would mean a quite good harvest of pelt. I rinsed my finger first, then withdrew the shower curtain, only to reveal

"RODRICK!!!!" I screamed. Rodrick's pants had fallen off too, and he'd decided to take a nap on top of Heather Hills. "Wake up, you silly billy!" I cried, poking him with my moist finger. "Wake up!"

"Fregley, you fucking perv, I am awake! Go fuck a chainsaw and get out of here you obsessive freak!"

I loved it when he talked dirty to me. BDSM is my favorite.

The blonde girl he was on top of looked very annoyed, and she shouted, "Who the fuck is this Rodrick?!" 

"Tis I, Rodrick's boyfriend! Are you startled by my honesty and flamboyant hairdo?" I questioned her, waving my finger around as if it were a sword.

"Wait, Rodrick, you're gay?" Heather cried as she leaped from the shower.  T'was then that I realized she was not wearing anything. I felt the need to shield my eyes. 

"No, I mean, yes, I mean-I DON'T KNOW BUT GET BACK IN THIS FUCKING BATHTUB!! AND FREGLEY-GET THE FUCK AWAY. I MEAN IT! HEATHER, I PROMISE-WE ARE NOT DATING."

"Or are we," I said flirtaciously as I walked out into the hallway. "Heather may never know," I said, and I winked.