Helplessly Falling For You: Camren

Chapter 9

Lauren Jauregui’s POV

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Do you know how much thinking and feeling I’ve done? It’s terrible. And nothing’s come out of it. The more I thought, the more I felt like crying. It’s been about three weeks since I left my grandpas house. I have received thousands of calls from Alexa and Luis but I haven’t bothered to answer their calls. I just needed time apart from them. I know I should not be pushing myself away from them but I can’t help it. Everything has been going down south for me and I just do not need any more complications.

I haven’t gone to school, you know. Not in the last three weeks. For a moment in these three weeks, I thought I should  just be homeschooled but I thought about how hard I worked to get an academic scholarship to even get in that school. Some people think it was because of how rich my parents are –were…but in all honesty it was my intellect that got me into that school. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I wanted to earn my way into that school and I did. So I don’t think I should drop out to be homeschooled when I applied for that school for a reason.

I have been getting calls from my other close friends, Vero and Lucy. Even some text messages from my softball teammates. I explained to them that I haven’t been feeling well and haven’t replied to them since. I turned off my phone and threw it in my nightstands’ drawer under some shirts.

I haven’t gone out much either. The only time I leave the house is at night. There’s this spot just down the street of my house. It’s a nice lake with a small waterfall, and has a rope hanging tightly on a branch of a tree. I guess people used to come here and grab onto the rope and throw themselves into the lake. But no one has come here anymore. Not since all of this acre belongs to my family. I would come out at night, grab my guitar and strung some cords, and write in a notebook. I was never really interested in playing the guitar but since my parents… have gone missing, I needed to distract myself. So I picked up the guitar and learned by myself, and even worked on a song. It didn’t take me long to learn how to play guitar in these last three weeks.

The detective called and said that she didn’t have a lead so she had no idea where to start but she told me to not give up.

But I did.

I did give up because that was two weeks ago. She hasn’t answered my calls and she hasn’t called me to let me know of the case. So I assumed she gave up or was just too embarrassed to not have any news.

All the nights before this one, I have cried my eyes out but tonight… I haven’t. Maybe it’s because I have ran out of tears or because I no longer feel anything. Just this empty and numb sensation in me.

I rolled to my side and closed my eyes but I couldn’t fall asleep.  I was nervous and dreading the fact that I had to go to school tomorrow. I was being forced to. Not just by my grandpa but by my siblings who have actually been attending school. They took some time off but not like me. To be honest, I would have gone to school earlier but I was avoiding my friends. Alexa and Luis have come to my house a copious amount of times to speak to me, but I always made my sister tell them some sort of lame excuse as to why I was currently unavailable.

Since I can’t fall asleep I decided to go outside with my guitar, notebook, and a sweater in case I got cold, which was highly unlikely due to the fact that it’s summer in Florida, but I took it anyway just in case.

I took my time making my way down the street to the lake. I had to walk a bit into the forest to actually reach the lake, I don’t mind though because I love looking around and taking pictures of nature that I find beautiful. I love the smell of it: earthy, rich dark soil kind of smell. I looked up at the almost starless sky and inhaled deeply. There was complete silence. All that was audible was the sound of a mild breeze gently passing through rustling the leaves on the trees and the waterfall, even though it was still up ahead.