- 5 YEARS LATER -
A lot of things started to change in my life after that night. My life just kept getting harder. My mum was hardly ever around, she is always at work, working harder then she ever had when dad was alive. So, my sister and I would spend a lot of time at my cousin Skylar's house, which I honestly didn't mind doing. But at times I really wish my mum was here for me and my sister.
I woke up to the same horrifying dream of when my dad had died that night ont the plane, hoping that it was all just a nightmare and i would go downstairs seeing my dad making breakfast. I have been this same routine for the past to years. I hated and I still do hate waking up to reality everyday and noticing how messed up my life is.
I got out of bed and went to take a quick shower, remembering that today was gonna be my first day in a new school. The thought of having to go to a new school just terrified me. Lets just put it this way, I was never that good at making friends. I was always that girl who would stay alone during lunch and stay at the back of the classroom so I wouldn't have people constantly see what I was doing at the time. To sum things up I'm the loner who doesn't know how to make friends cause she's afraid to. Ever since the accident two years ago my self-esteem levels have not been so high.
As I was back in my bed room, I went through my wardrobe trying to find something suitable to wear. After some time of trying on and changing clothes, I settled for a checked shirt with black jeans and my favorite black converse. I had straightened my light brown frizzy hair to make it a bit more presentable and then put on a thin grey beanie to top it all off. The only jewelry I ever wore was bracelets. To be honest I never leave home without them. I only applied a thin layer of eye-liner and a bit of mascara and a light peach coloured gloss, trying to keep my make-up as simple as possible. I took a step away from the mirror looking at myself, I looked good enough to go to school, so I made my way downstairs.
To no surprise the hose was empty, all there was, was a note on the kitchen counter saying that I have to walk to Sky's house and wait for the school bus to pick us up from there. I sighed and went towards the garage to get my skateboard. I was making sure that i had everything when I noticed that I the most important thing missing. So, I quickly ran up to my room and got my iPod and headphones, and started listening to Eminem's "Not Afraid".
Trying to give myself courage I started to sing the song while ridding my skateboard to Sky's house.
"I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid!
(Yeah)
To take a stand, to take a stand
(It's been a ride)
Everybody, everybody
(I guess I had to)
Come take my hand, come take my hand
(Go to that place to get to this one)
We'll walk this world together through the storm
(Now some of you)
Whatever weather, cold or warm
(Might still be in that place)
Just lettin' you know that you're not alone
(If you're tryin' to get out)
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road
(Just follow me, I'll get you there)
I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Tryin' to put my life back together right now
It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you....."
As I saw Sky, I handed her my skateboard and we headed outside to wait for the bus which quickly arrived. We headed to the back of the bus where Sky's friends were waiting for her. When they saw me behind her they just stared at me. It started to make me selfconscious and made me start worrying if I did something wrong.
Sky noticed how uncomfortable I felt and told me "Ever this is Lena" pointing at a girl who seemed to be my age. She was quite short compared to me but I don"t blame her, I was pretty tall for my age. Sky then introduced me to the rest of the bus "Guys I would like you to meet my cousin Ever, she will be coming to school with us from now on". We all exchanged smiles and then I stayed staring out side of the window and listening to music.
After some time I felt someone tap on my shoulder and see that it was Sky. So I took of my headphones to see what she needed.
"Lena will be taking you to the schools secretary so that u can go get your class schedule, and then she'll walk you to class"
I simply just nodded and Sky noticed that something wasn't right.
"Ev is everything okay? you don't seem so cheery and talkative like you usually are. If somethings wrong just tell me. You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Yes I know, I'm fine, I'm just a bit nervous and worried, I'm still scared of making friends" I whispered the last part, looking down at my feet.
"Oh Ok," she sighed "I think I have a idea" her face literally light up when she said that.
"What?" I asked curiously, hoping that this doesn't include me changing who I am. She tried before it never really worked.
"Today in lunch you're gonna stay with me and my friends until you make some friends. How does that sound?" She sounded really happy with her idea. It always made me laugh when she got exited over stuff like this.
"Sounds good I guess" I said while seeing her eyes looking at my headphones.
"Ev but no headphones on during lunch." she told me slowly, knowing that my headphones were kind off a touchy subject.
"What's wrong with them" I whined slightly disappointed that she doesn't want me to wear them.
"It's just that..." she started to say and then stopped to think about how she could tell me without hurting my feelings "...I think you should start facing reality and stop hiding behind the music, that's all" she noticed the sad look and said "I'm just trying to look out for you"
"I know and I guess I can maybe try to not stay with my headphones all the time...It's just that they make me feel better," It was true music was always there to help me with any situation in my life. It was like my councilor. "But if this means so much to you I'll try. Happy?"
"Very" She said with a big smile on her face as the bus came to a stop in front of a building which I'm guessing was the school.
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******Meaning Behind The Book******
Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion that you want, and do what makes you happy. :)
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