The Husband Checklist

1. (ex) boyfriend

It took all the courage in me not to type, "I love you." It took all the courage I had not to turn back. I knew I had to do it now.

Yusuf had been my life up until this point. I had loved him with all my heart for the past two years and yet I knew that I was willing to give up that love for an even greater love. My Apa's words were stuck on repeat in my mind. "Give up what you love for Allah and Allah will grant you the same in a halal way, or something even better."

I sighed. Why couldn't I just block him? Why was I still so madly in love with him? With trembling fingers, I dialled his number. Before my heart rate could even quicken slightly, Yusuf answered the phone. His deep, chocolatey voice filled my ears and it took all my strength not to swoon and give in.

Me: Assalamualaikum Yusuf. How are you?

Yusuf: I'm great babe. Just a little sad because I'm missing you

Me: Well, I have something to tell you and it's not pretty

Yusuf: Ooooh, are you breaking up with me?

A smile split across my face as I imagined him fluttering his long, thick eyelashes and pouting his signature dog pout that he always did when he wanted to ask for a favour. I shook myself out of the intoxicated haze that he had placed me in.

Me: Actually, yes. I'm so sorry Yusuf. It's haraam and I think us breaking up is for the best.

His soft, melodious voice suddenly hardened and I could feel the anger seething through the phone.

Yusuf: You what? You're breaking up with me? Girl, you have no idea how lucky you even were to be with me. Anyway, I've got to get back into the dating game now, so goodbye. I'm not wasting my time with a dud like you. Have a nice life.

He cut the call while I sat there, numb, listening to the familiar beep from the other end of the line. Within moments, tears filled my eyes and I mustered every ounce of strength I had to fight back the waterfalls that threatened to spill. I didn't need him. I really didn't.

The next three hours seemed endless, and though a million tasks lay ahead of me for the day, I didn't have the energy to stand up, let alone do anything productive. I sat idle on my bed, replaying the conversation over and over again as I drifted in and out of sleep. Every few minutes, the tiny "ting" on my phone would alert me to the pressing issues for the day, but I ignored both my phone and the tasks. However, when the "tings" became much more persistent, I rolled over onto my stomach and unlocked my phone.

I was greeted by a tornado of messages from friends, enemies and group chats alike. My name seemed to be everywhere. As my eyes glided over my contact list and the visible Whatsapp messages, a knot formed in the pit of my stomach. I had not expected this.