Deadly Cuteness- Rosekook

#8 Jealousy

JUNGKOOK'S PERSPECTIVE:

We were having a very deep conversation, when I heard that name: "Mark" AKA "church oppa". As she was talking about him, my fist was clinging even more to the point where I could feel my nails going through the skin of my palm. I was mad but on the other side I was extremely greatful to him. Afterall he was the one to teach Chaeyoung how to play the guitar and drove her to the audition. If he hadn't done that I probably wouldn't have met her. My anger was disappearing but then I heard she cried because of the mug, he gave her. That meant that he was very important to her, which led me to thinking he was her crush. Afterall who would cry over some mug. I had to know what kind of feelings she had for him. So I asked her in the least obvious way I could. I knew she didn't have a brother, so I already knew that option was out of the way. I tried to to calm myself down, but then I heard that one word :"awesome". "Mark oppa was awesome". That sentance was like a nail to the coffin. Her sweet voice was saying it repeatedly. I couldn't stand it. It made me even angrier than before. I felt the urge to ask her directly just to know, where I stand. After I did it I heard complete silence. I assumed that I caught her offguard. I instantly regreted asking. The awkwardness was killing me, but then:

- If you mean as a friend, than sure. He was one of my closest friends in Australia. He was kind and protective over me, he seemed like a real brother to me maybe because he dated my sister, he acted like that. I was quite upset when the broke up.- I was speachless, why was I such an Idiot? I regreted asking her that question, So it wasn't her crush but her sister's boyfriend. I almost facepalmed myself. Why was I so stupid?

- Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to make you answer questions with which you're uncomfortable with..- I wasn't sure what to do or say. I was so embarrassed I wished I could disappear.

- It's okay, afterall how could you know such things and who he was. I would have probably misunderstood it as well. If someone had said to me that they got a mug from oppa who is not a brother, I would think the same thing. Don't worry.- when she said that she quietly laughed. It sounded like Jin hyung, the window wiping, but strangely it wasn't annoying. It was rather cute.- So after that we were heading to the arena, while we were still in the car, I was worried about our performance or more specifically the crowd's response.

-But why?!- I was quite shocked. I always thought that they were confident in themselfs and their skills. Afterall they achived so much in only two years.

- If I can be honest, after such long break, I lost a lot of confidence. I assumed that there must have been something wrong and that was the reason why we didn't get to release anything for almost a year. I started to doubt myself and my skills. Afterall I'm very responsible for the group. Sometimes I really regret that I was picked to be main vocal and lead dancer, it would have been much easier to focus mostly on one thing. It's very hard to balance those two roles, if I dance to hard, I won't be able to sing stable and when I focus to much on vocals I forget choreo which can lead to huge disaster.- I coud actually relate to what she said it takes so much hard work and time to balance those two things.- Through that time, it seemed like I was stuck. I haven't achived anything. It seemed like every member except me had something, while I was still in the same place. It was like a little mental breakdown.- I knew it was probably very hard time for her. It's a big burden to lead group in something, it's always that person who gets all the hate thrown in their direction when something goes wrong. No matter how strong mentaly you are the amount of hate is still to much to handle. Even if you have full confidence in yourself, when you hear certain opinion few times it gets to you.- And the fact that the most people there were your fans wasn't helping either.- I was shocked by that statement, I thought a lot of ARMYs were BLINKs as well.

- Why?- I could hear that she hesitated for a moment but then she continued.

- Basically, some of your fans like us a lot especially Lisa and Jennie unnie. They especially adore them in very intense way. So some of them....- I was interested in what she was about to say. I never looked at it in that way.- want you and Lisa to be a couple in real life.- I was caught offguard. I didn't expect that but why?!- and I'm a little bit scared of them. They often comment under my posts that I shouldn't be getting in your way of getting together. It's not like I even had contacted with you or your group ever before today's accident. - I was speechless and shocked at the same time. I admit some of our friends are very extreme, but I never noticed that they have harrased anyone before. They must have been very intense. I was sorry that it happened to her. I guess there was a lot of things in the fandom I wasn't aware of. It was upseting that some of my fans attacked her so many times to the point where she was afraid of them. I was about to say something when I saw someone's silhouette shadow in the window of my door.

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