Addiction..a word I can't stand to use..
But I am an addict.. I'm addicted to alcohol.. I don't like my addiction I hate that side of me..I'm slowly working away from alcohol..but I still crave it
I'm not addicted to the buzz or the taste of alcohol..I'm addicted to the pain...I'm addicted to the sting of the alcohol going down my throat.. some people say it hurts like hell but to me I like the pain..I feel as though I deserve the sting..I'm addicted to being able to forget horrible things that have happened.. I've been trying to break the Habit but..I also feel trapped..I feel like because I'm addicted to the pain or addicted to being able to forget, that I might try and find other ways to feel the same pain...
Im afraid of the drunken side of me....i wish I could just close another chapter in my life and move on..but I'm still gonna have a back lash....
There are nights where I lie awake..staring at the ceiling crying my eyes out..wishing I could just drink and forget what happened but in life I know that it's gonna get a lot more stressful that this..and I just can't crack open a whiskey or a beer and drink my problems away..I realize that...and I've been trying to stop...but it's so so hard..its painful even..I get stomach aches..and sometimes migraines so bad I can't see straight..but I was also told that "once you hit rock bottom there's only one way from there, up" but..I feel like I've hit rock bottom and it's too hard to get out of the hole I dug myself into..i did this to myself but. I have people I know can be there for me..when I have a backlash or when i just need somebody to talk to...
I don't get drunk for fun..I get drunk because the sting feels good..I feel like I deserve the pain...it's a way to relieve stress..or just forget the events that happened the day before..
I'm the end I'm ready to admit to the fact I have an issue..I've been sober for 2 days...I had a backlash 2 days ago.. I'm not going to say what Happened..I'm not ready to share it..
Addiction isn't fun..
Addiction isn't easy..
But when you have close friends who are willing to help..
It gets easier
"What ever your going through will get better, maybe not right now, but eventually "- Sean William McLoughlin
I live by this quote..not because he's famous or he's a gamer(jacksepticeye) ..just simply because it's inspiring me to keep pushing through this..I know it'll get better soon..
I'm sorry for this being kinda short,
Amber
YOU ARE READING
Rant Book
RandomFeel free to ignore this... I rant about a lot of things and writing is my only way of getting my thoughts out of my head in stead of keeping them bottled up
