Monty After Dark

Chapter 45

On Christmas Eve, I was feeling nervous about a few things. One was my surprise for Chan. The other was something I was dreading doing. I still hadn't seen or spoken to my father. My mother wanted to go by and see him before we went to Chan's. She took a taxi and met me in front of the house.

"I don't think I'm ready to do this," I said. I was being honest.

"It's Christmas and he's your father," she reminded me.

We knocked on the door.

"Hello," he said awkwardly, as we stood, freezing on the porch.

"Can we come in?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied.

"Merry Christmas, Don," Christina said, holding out her hand. He shook it in a mechanic sort of way.

"Merry Christmas," he replied back.

"Here," I said, pulled a small gift out of my pocket. It was a watch. He set it down on the console table by the front entry without opening it. There was no indication that it was Christmas in the house. His work bag was sitting on the floor in the hall. At 11, he would go into work, the same as he usually did.

"I got an apartment," my mother said. "It's small, but it's a start. I'm working now, too. Doing data entry."

"Good, I'm glad."

"In January, Matthew is going to come stay with me some of the time. He'll split his time between my apartment and the Carmellos' house."

"Oh," my father said, in a delayed reaction. Dad didn't look too well.

"I've been seeing a therapist," I said.

"What!?" dad barked. "Is this your idea?" he hissed at Christina. I suddenly felt protective of her and stood between my dad and her.

"No, he's a sports psychologist," I said. "He's really helpful. But he says I need to create some boundaries, and I need you to get some counselling before I can come stay with you again. This isn't a healthy environment for me. Ignoring everything this time isn't going to make it go away. You need to put some effort in. I've been working really hard and I'm doing a lot better since I haven't been staying here, and I don't want to mess up the progress I've made. I really want this deal with Vernon to work out."

"Oh, and it's healthy for you to be with your mother?" I could tell I had hurt his feelings.

"I don't know, but I'm willing to give it a try. She wants me there. She's trying. You make me feel like I'm worthless, and that you don't want me. Like you'd rather be at work, or with your buddies, anywhere that isn't with me. You were all I had, and you basically abandoned me, too," I admitted, looking at my shoes. "And for the first time in my life, I feel like someone actually wants me around. I feel like I'm a burden to you."

I saw the pain in his eyes, and I felt bad, but all of this was true and needed to be said.

"It's really hard on me to be here when I feel like all I ever do is drag you down."

He didn't reply.

"Look, think about it, okay? Going to counselling? It's really not as bad as you think it is, it's actually pretty helpful. Maybe we could even go together, you and me, or maybe with Christina, too, once you go on your own for a little while," I said.

He still didn't say anything.

"Anyway, Merry Christmas, dad," I said, putting an arm around Christina.

"Merry Christmas, Don," she said, and we headed to the door. I pulled it closed behind us.

"That didn't go very well," I said, feeling disappointed.