Tvd Oneshots

Consuming Love (D + E)

10/09/14: Elenas' diary

Ever since I don't see Damon anymore and actually have to live without him, I feel every possible negative emotion someone can feel.
I have tried a lot of things to cope with my pain, but I guess there's no better way to heal, than to give it time. And I have. A lot of time.

I started my medicine study and working at a hospital, but every time I see someone with his eyes or hair, I can barely stop myself from crying.

I don't remember one night I haven't cried myself to sleep since he is gone. His death is hunting me in my dreams, showing me that he's in hell and tortured. I can hear him scream for me, to help him, to save him, but every time I come close to him, I wake up. Screaming, most of the time.

Sometimes, I have another dream. A dream that makes me wish to never wake up again.
In that dream I can hold him and kiss him as much as I want, but most of the time we are just sitting somewhere very beautiful, talking about everything and nothing. He tells me how much he loves me and then I wake up. Crying, most of the time.

The days aren't less painful. Hanging out with Caroline, helps a little, but it's hard too, because we both lost our best friend, Bonnie, and without her it's just not the same. Normally, I would have Damon by my side the entire time, to help me grief Bonnie, but he isn't here anymore. And when that realization sets in, even months after his death, I feel like I wanna die.

So, Elena, this is why you wanted to erase him from your memory. Because you just didn't see a way to live, and you know that he would have wanted you to be happy. Your love for him was consuming you, you loved him too much to ever get over him. He is the love of your life and you just couldn't live without him.