The Hate You Give

Making Amends

I know I pissed y'all off and I'm sorry but I might have to do it a couple more times before things start to turn back around. Please don't kill me. Enjoy.

Kehlani's POV

Shaina came and got me that night. She dropped me off at my house after me begging and arguing with her to do so. I walked to the door to find it unlocked. I pushed the door open and the house was dark and quiet. Too quiet. I slipped inside and shut the door as quietly as I could, making my way to the stairs while making as little noise as possible. I heard a gruff voice behind me and damn near shit myself.

"You probably think I hate you don't you?" It was my dad. I turned around and saw him sitting on the couch, beer in hand. He had on a dirty wife beater and an unbuttoned shirt. His hair was matted to his head and he looked to be in desperate need of sleep. I saw him get up and I must've looked scared because he let out a small chuckle.

"I'm not gonna touch you anymore Lani. I was just upset and overreacting. I was a dick. While you were gone, I've been thinking about some stuff. I really need to work on myself. I need to be a better father. For your sake." He scratched his head and coughed before continuing. "You've had a very fucked up childhood. I'm the blame for that. I've probably fucked you up for life with what I did to you. I know that this'll take some time and healing but I want to apologize. You never realize how much you love someone until they walk away from you. In my case, run from you." He smiled at me before closing the distance between us a little.

"How can I forgive you when you took something you can never give back? How can I forgive you for something like that!? Please tell me. I've lost everything that was important in my life. All I have is a dad who doesn't even love me. You don't deserve that title." I break down into tears and hug myself as I feel myself fall to the floor.

"I know Lani. I know. I'm sorry okay? I'm trying to grow some balls and own up to the shit I've done. I'm trying to swallow my pride and say I'm sorry. I know what I did was unforgivable. And I'd lay down my life if that meant everything I'd done to you would be wiped away. Believe me when I say this Kehlani. I'm so sorry for being a dick. Eventually we'll put this behind us. I want that for us Kehlani. If you give me a chance I-"

"Sorry doesn't dismiss all the shit you've done to me. I can't even look at myself in the fucking mirror without finding something about me to hate myself over. And you're not making it any better. Putting all these pernicious thoughts in my head. I'm slowly breaking dad. And one day I'll come crashing down...maybe I already have." I start to walk up the stairs when my dad grips my arm. I'm about to yank away but my dad's voice stops me.

"You're just like your mother. Stubborn as hell. Look I'm not asking you to forgive me. I fucked up and that's something that I can probably never fix. But I do want you to know that I love you. And I'm sorry. Besides, after all the stuff I've put you through, how come you never turned me in?" He asked calmly. I looked him in the eye and ran a hand through my hair.

"Because you're all I have left." I reply simply. He nods and scratches his cheek.

"I want to be a better dad. Tell me how." I held eye contact with him and I could see that he was genuine. I just didn't know how long it would last.

"How about you stop drinking. Then we'll talk. I start to go upstairs again when I hear glass break. I turn around and see the beer my dad was holding was no longer in his hand. I look in the kitchen and see broken glass and the dark brown liquid all over the floor. "Done." He says, walking over to the fridge and pulling out all the case of beer he owns. He walks outside to the front yard and throws them all down on the concrete, breaking every single one. I can't help but break into a smile when I see him come back in the house and wipe his mouth on his sleeve. "Done. What else?" I think for a second before opening my mouth.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." He nods and gestures for me to keep going. "And...don't try to change me. I like what I like and if you can't accept that fact, you'll have to deal with it. Cause I'm not changing for anyone." My dad gives me a sad smile.

"Yeah I'm sorry for that. I was completely out of line for that. But once I get my shit together, when do you think I can meet this girlfriend of yours?" My face falls and I scratch my arm nervously. "Yeah about her..things didn't work out. She left me. More like forgot about me." My dad pulls me into an unexpected hug but I didn't fight it.

"It's okay. She missed out on something good. You'll find someone better. Someone who sees you for how great you are."

"That's the thing. She was everything you could ask for in a girl. She loved me for me and could handle my insecurities and everything in between. We had something special and we lost it. I lost her. You can't get better than what she was to me." I felt my dad hug me tighter before pulling away.

"Give her some time. She'll come running back. If your relationship was that special, she'll realize that and come back to you." I nodded and wiped a couple tears away.

"Thanks for everything. Hopefully you can continue to build trust in me. I'm gonna go to bed."

"Ok goodnight." He hugs me again before I start to make my way upstairs. "Kehlani?" He calls out. I turn around and raise my eyebrows.

"I love you." I try to hide a smile but fail to do so.

"I love you too dad." I say before walking into my room and drifting off into a fitful sleep.

I know it was short but I wanted to address this problem before I start some more drama.

Do you think her dad is genuinely sorry or is it all an act?

What about Shaina?

Thanks for reading.

Don't forget to smile