Winter's Book Reviews

The Mark

The Mark by taz2327

Genre - Fantasy 

Cover -
While it's true that the value of a book can only be measured in terms of the story it presents, it is also true that the first thing anyone notices is the cover. Whether you're in a bookstore or scrolling through your ebook reader feed, the most visually appealing covers are bound to catch your eye. 

I would recommend getting a better cover for your book. Right now, with the way that the image has been edited, the visuals aren't clear. A change in font style would also help greatly. The current cover is just not aesthetically pleasing. If you do decide to change your book's cover, there are tons of graphics shops available for those who need help. 

Summary -
After your cover, the next thing a reader checks is the summary. The main job of the summary or the blurb is to give the reader a basic idea of the plot while making them curious to find out more. It needs to be precise and hooking otherwise it just won't work. 

For your summary, I would suggest first explaining what the plot is and then mentioning that the story, as of now, is just a rough draft. Also, I feel there could be a better way to writing out your summary to make it more to the point because right now, it feels a little bland and predictable. Considering the rise in dystopian novels based on societies where one half lives in riches while the other lives in poverty, how is your story different? Show the reader why they would want to invest time in the world that you have created. 

Grammar-
I'll be honest, I'm not a grammar expert and I make mistakes while writing. But whether a rough draft or not, it's important to have your basic grammar down. This means sentence structures and using the right punctuations in the right places, something I think, you really need to work on. The reason for this is because typing errors, missing commas, etc, can hinder the reading process and thus take away from your story. For instance, if I have to read a sentence that is 4 lines long, with no pause, it feels too much. Know when to break your sentences. It's important to know where to use commas and where to use full stops. 

The Story -
For this review, I read chapters 1-5. I genuinely think you have a great plot in your hands. While Brooklyn comes off a little bland (personality wise) in the first chapter, later on, as a reader, you can see that she knows when to stand up for herself. Considering she has lived away from society and its rules, unlike the rest, she isn't brainwashed and refuses to submit to an unjust life. I'm also very curious about why the society is the way it is. Why are the beauts, who are presumably normal people, superior to the workers? Is this their way of suppressing people who have abilities in fear that they might someday take over? The workers seem to be happy to live their lives according to the rules of the beauts, is this because of literal brainwashing or is it because this is just how they grew up? If the latter, have their been past rebellions? 

There are a lot of questions that the story makes the reader ask which is a good thing because the more questions they ask, the more they want to read to find answers.

Now coming to the places that I think could use some work. 

Since you are creating a whole new world with your story, you need to work on your world building skills. This is a new universe which is why its rules have to be explained to the reader but in a way that it isn't overbearing. Information should be given slowly and steadily instead of being dumped on them all at once. It needs to be woven into the normal events of the story without seeming out of place. 

The more you describe a character's emotions, the more a reader is able to relate to them. But you need to find a balance between showing and telling. In your emotive descriptions, you have a lot of telling but very less showing. Instead of spoon feeding the reader how the character feels, show them. Sensory descriptions in such places really help take the scene to another level. You also have to pick the places where such descriptions are important since you can't have them with every scene. Balance is key.

There are parts where the story feels a little rushed and that's mainly because the paragraphs don't flow well. Flow is established when there is a connection between every paragraph which in turn allows a smooth transition from one scene to another. 

Lastly, this is something I noticed especially in the first chapter, there are a lot of long scenes that just don't seem relevant to the story. It feels as though they exist to add length to the chapters. For instance, the first few paragraphs about Brooklyn keeping her room clean or her mother learning how to stitch, they seem a little irrelevant. I understand that the intention is to explain how everything in the city is perfect but a lot of the information given can be cut short and the paragraphs made tighter. 

Descriptions for every story are important but so is knowing where to add them. Too much description can take away from the main point of the chapter and readers can lose interest. 

The Mark has the potential to be an excellent novel because from what I see, you have a clear idea of what you want your story to be. Tweaking the story a bit and polishing a few components can really help it shine. Please remember that everything in this view is simply my opinion and nothing more. I do not dictate how you write your story. I'm only here to provide my honest views and hope that they can help you.