The Vamps Fanfiction.

5 Seconds of Summer - Voodoo Doll.

We didn't last. Well after that dinner we went back to being a loving couple which lasted for a month. I went home and started back at school as he continued touring and stuff. I know exactly why we broke up, because I couldnt give him answers, I wouldnt let him in. I dont hate Tristan and I dont hate myself but I do hate the situation and the timing of everything, it sucked. It was more of an agreement between us both to end it. Once I had went back to school we began to grow further and further apart, before I would have done everything in my power to make sure we spoke everyday, but then we both just stopped. We stopped putting in the effort so my final theory was that we had run our course, it was a brillant relationship and an amazing experience but we were both tired and drained. We couldnt see the positives anymore, the negatives completely overlooked them.

So, for the past two months I've been keeping extremely busy. With a part time job and alevels I barley have the time to stop and think of Tristan. I still follow all the boys on twitter and stuff but we would never interact. The boys would chat now and again but its not the same. I've talked about the past year and all the boys alot recently because I decided to take my doctors orders and get further help so now weekly I met with a group of young people like myself and I hate to say it but it's helped alot.

Its nice to be surround by a group of people who know exactly how I feel, that we can all talk about everything we think and feel so openly without feeling like we should hold back or afraid of sounding insane, its comforting. For the sake of my self and the boys I havent exactly told my group who my boyfriend and his friends were, I used different names and changed some details in my experiences. But all the same everything I say in that group about any of them is completely true.

I sometimes wonder where Tristan is in the world right now, if he has gotten anywhere with his bucketlist, if he has been to the South of America and if he has found another relationship. I love Tristan of course I still do. He was a major part of my life and over a year alot happened which I cant and wont forget, he was special. I just hope that now if he has found someone new that he is truely happy.

"Shannon, what pizza will we get?"

"Emma, have we not already said?"

"Yeah well I've changed my mind"

"You literally change your mind alot over the smalelst of things, what do you want now?"

"Chicken?"

"Yeah okay, order it"

"Spicy or plain?"

Weboth laughed as I threw a pillow at her face. My family are away for the weekend and Emma moved in.

"Im starving just order!"

"Okay, chill"

We spent the weekend on the sofa watching endless films and endless series on Netflix. The perfect weekend.

Argh School. School was much more difficult due to the amount of stress and endless essays. But Its almost Summer, a couple more weeks and thats me done! I went by each week the same. School from 9am until 4pm. On Monday's, Wednesdays and Friday's I went to the hospital for two hours, got personal treatment then group therapy. Tuesday's and Thursday's I went to libary and would stay until closing at 9pm. On Saturday's I spent 8 long hours in my local Asda working. I would then go home and either sleep or watch endless films and then Sundays. The entire day dedicated to school and food. My routine never changed and part of me was afraid of Summer because then I would have no routine. I would still have to go to the hospital but other than that and my Saturday job my life would be stress free, I will have no deadlines which means I'll not be kept busy which bothers me. If I'm not busy then I think and think and think some more. I'll replay everything in my head, get upset and become a negative person. That was my biggest fear, cutting again.

As Summer crept closer everyone around me began to get excited for the 8 week break where as I was trying my best to get as much work as possible to do over the break. I bought alot of new books, I got test papers everything and anything to take up my time.

"I think we should have a girls break this summer?" Me and Emma were both sitting at the cafe outside the libary. I wasnt really paying attention to her.

"Shannonnnn?"

"Huh, erm-what?"

"Whats up?" Emma look concerned.

"Nothing, what were you saying?"

Emma moved in her seat and sat forward towards me more.

"Shannon, spill it"

"I dont want it to be summer, I want to stay in school to have a routine and keep busy. I dont want to have any free time, I dont want to be able to have the time to let my mind wander. I dont want to think or replay everthing. I need to stay busy Em"

"This will just be another small thing you can overcome and I'll be right beside you the entire time. If you want keep busy we'll make a bucketlist and go for a week holiday just us, trust me I'll keep you busy" Emma smiled clearly proud of her self and sat back. I smiled back grateful for her and our friendship.

"Okay"

"Okay"

"SHANNON GET UP COME ITS YOUR LAST DAY COME ONNN" The dreaded day, fuck.

"I'm already up Mummy chill"

"SORRY"

Thankfully the day dragged in. My classes seemed to go by slowly and I still stayed in the libary until it closed not wanting it to ever reach 9pm.

My biggest fear in those months was reaching summer and the fear of having time to think but 3 weeks into summer and Emma kept to her word. We done and tried something different everyday. We had constant sleepovers and we even booked to go to Spain for 10 days, which we actually leave for in 5 days. I was happy with no routine, it wasnt scary or negative. It was the opposite, I had new things to think about, to laugh about. It was thrilling.

"SHANNON WILL YOU GET THAT IM IN THE BATH" I sat in my room as I heard my Mummy yell. Everyone else must be out. I heard the doll bell ring again as I moaned and emerged from my nice, warm bed. I hate whoever this is. It isn't Emma because she just walks in so it better be important.

I stumbled slowly down the stairs regretting ever getting out of my bed. It was a late night and from what I can tell its not noon yet so realistcally speaking I should still be asleep, you know getting my 8 hours and all that. I reached the bottom not even bothering to look at my reflection to see if I looked presentable because I honestly didn't care. Answer, get rid of them, go back to sleep. Yup.

I grabbed the handle and swung the door open alot more faster than I intended.

"What?" I asked bruntly without seeing who it was.

"I always liked you first thing in the morning Shan"

"Tris?" Fuck.