Dear Olive,
I hate you. I hate that you were born and that your human and have a face. I hate that you live next door to me and I hate that I can't sleep at night because the thought of you has forever left a vivid image creased in the back of my m...
"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Somethings are just too strange and strong to be coincidences. - Pinterest
Dear someone,
Sometimes I try to imagine what it would like to have everyone like me. But then I realize moments later how pointlessly bleak of a world it would be if we didn't have people that despised us if we didn't have people that hate us. If I didn't have him...
I'm nervous.
I can taste the burning feeling of fear and panic in the back of my throat and no matter how many times I swallow the sensation, it won't go away. It's a Saturday. I never liked Saturdays, they've always given me this odd anxiety seeing as how I have to accomplish so many things in so little time. But that's not even what's ticking me off today, no its something much worse. I can feel sweat upcoming from my forehead and my stomach twisting in irreversible knots as a shiver of cold overcomes my body until I'm shaking frantically. All because I have to go to..... a.....party.
Dramatic much? I think not.
Madeline showed up at my door early this morning for much-needed support but it's getting close to 6:00 pm and my body still refuses to try on any of the clothes she has left me with in my bathroom. My skin crawls at the thought of facing all my peers at a social event, and not just any social event, but one Kyle's best friend is hosting.
The first outfit choice is something I had stolen from my mother's closet a month ago and never had the confidence to try on. It's a dark blue bodycon v neck dress. Using my shaky fingers I struggle to get the dress over my body and slide the zipper up, but when I finally do I feel like I'm suffocating.
"Olivia, you've been in there for like 30 minutes and I haven't seen you in one thing yet, or you okay?" Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just slightly dying but what's new? I take a deep breath and whisper to myself softy "you are Olivia Kingston your 17 years old you are an honor roll student with one of the highest GPA in your grade, you are strong."
As pathetic as it may sound it's like some kind of brain exercise my mom taught me to do not too long after we first moved here to help me become more in control of my thoughts and eventually my breathing.
I step out of the bathroom and I see Madeline sitting there on my bed, eating a bag of chips. Her eyes go big as she looks at me and begins to cheer in excitement. "OMG, Oli, you look great in that... but maybe something more casual would be best if you don't feel comfortable to wear something like that to your first-party," she says obviously reading the fatigue look on my face.
I nod gladly one solid time before turning back into the bathroom barely able to move. The urge to scream at myself is so strong it takes everything in my being to bite it back. My nails dig into my skin as I silently curse myself in my head. Why can't you be like normal girls? I unzip the dress and gain back my self-control but my self-confidence is still nowhere to be found. It's not that I hate myself or anything, it's just that I see how someone would.
The next outfit is one Madeline brought me for my 16 birthday, one I had yet to unwrap all the way. Its a simple form-fitting off the shoulder white dress that I never dared looked at more than twice, seeing as how it just didn't meet the requirements of my usual shirt and jeans.
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The dress is soft and it slides up my skin with ease, it's basic yet still makes it appear like I put a little effort into it. I tear off the price tag from the never worn dress and try to stop biting my lip, a nasty habit I adapted I'm convinced since birth.
I walk out the bathroom to meet Madeline's approving eyes and she lets out a low whistle, of course, she likes it, she brought it after all. "Yes, Oli! Look at you all grown up on me, and to think it was just yesterday you were afraid of my brother now look at you all dressed up to go to a party where he'll be at." Umm actually I am still afraid of him, and I have every right to be, but instead, of explaining this I just grin and nod cluelessly.
Maddie is already dressed in a similar dress to mine but its made without sleeves of any sort and its all black. She looks incredible, it's always been crazy to me how she can look so much like her brother Kyle and not her herself despise me.
"The rest of the girls are already on their way to the party early, we should get going soon." I agree hesitantly.
Tonight's the night. The night I finally get the answers I've been waiting for. The night I get to know why Kyle hates me. I'm making a vow to myself that I won't leave that party until I confront him about the years of trauma and heartbreak he's recklessly caused. Tonights the night I get my life back. ×o×o -Olivia Boy was I naive... Vote Comment Follow Share
