Moments In Silence

Chapter 3

        “Tallis?” It was Mr. Hyde. Of course it was Mr. Hyde. Of all people and of all moments it had to be then.

         I quickly pulled down my shirt and turned to face him. I didn’t expect him to come back, he never does. He wasn’t supposed to be there and he wasn’t supposed to see me standing there. I had made sure to plan everything correctly so that no one would find out I was there. I made sure the parking lots were always empty before I made my way back into the building to wait for the janitor to finish up. Now he was here, and the whole thing was ruined. Everything was ruined.

                He looked at me from within the door frame, bewilderment painting his features. I stood there with my hands fidgeting and my eyes looking anywhere but at him. I didn't know what to say or how to begin explaining everything. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

 He slowly started to walk towards me. I watched him close the space between us and I started to panic. I was scared of what he would say or do and that I backed myself up against the wall and covered my face with my hands in shame. I could feel the tears spill from my eyes and the sob fill my chest. Why did he have to come back? 

The whole thing was just so embarrassing. I was standing there in spandex and a ratty t-shirt, with Mr. Hyde looking down at me. I was at my weakest point, fragile an on the verge of breaking. I didn’t want him to know about anything but I didn’t want to keep lying to him.  I was scared that he would make me leave, scared that he would tell someone or try to convince me to stay with someone that I didn’t know or care for.  I didn’t want him to see any part of me that I didn’t personally make up for him like during school hours. In his class was where I could act the way that I wanted to feel, confident and witty. And there I was, stripped bare of that persona.  I had no good excuse, no amusing banter to spew out at him and it made the situation even worse. I felt so ashamed that I just began to cry.

“You weren’t supposed to come back.” I kept my hands covering my face while the tears spilled away from my eyes and down my fingers.

                “Tallis,” he whispered as he placed his hands on my arms. He didn’t whisper my name as a question, rather he spoke it as if to let me know he was there to help me. It was filled with warmth and sweetness and I couldn’t let him say it again.

“No,” I pulled my hands away from my face and pushed his arms away from me. All I could think was that I couldn’t have him touching me. If I let him comfort me I would fall to pieces at his feet. I was already trying so hard to keep my sobs at bay but with him standing so close and whispering softly to me only made the whole thing that much worse. I didn’t want him to be touched by my mess of a life. I didn’t want to see him tainted by anything that had to do with me. I wanted him to walk away.

“Tallis please, talk to me?” Again that whispering voice.

“I can’t!” Whatever I was holding back was no longer being held. My tears were flowing down my cheeks and my body was being wracked with sobs. The crying that I held in for years, the anger, the sadness and the guilt that built up inside of me was pouring out. How could I let myself fall apart so easily? I thought that I could hold myself up, prove to the world that there was nothing wrong with me. But with the slightest inquiry from Mr. Hyde, I’d lost it all. I was a fool, and I was so weak.

My sobs grew louder and my crying more intense. I couldn’t stop and when I tried to pull myself together I cried even harder. My body was fighting against me and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and disappear. I slid down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest, my hands never leaving my face. Mr. Hyde bent down to his knees in front of me, placing his hands on my arms once again in comfort.