The Magic of Story

God Coming

I had been an atheist all my life. I guess you could say I was an atheist, but technically I never really grew up in church. I visited a service or two for Christmas, but otherwise, I hadn't thought about going weekly.

  My friends were all atheists. None believed in God, Jesus, or anything else. They joked about Christianity and how it was an absolute joke itself. The way they joked always made me uncomfortable, but if I told them to put a sock in it, they wouldn't want me to hang out with them anymore. I still didn't believe in God myself, but I suppose I never thought about it.

There were Christians that I knew, and most of them were nice, but honestly, I only hung out with the atheists. One day, like every cliché story ever, a new girl moved in. She had been lonely for about a year, and I felt bad, but my friend group wasn't as accepting as they should have been, so I never worked up the courage to talk to her. It was a shame, because she really seemed sweet.

I was listening to one of my playlist songs, Life Goes On by Tupac. I bobbed my head to the beat, and absentmindedly listened to the words. I saw a group of people who were surrounding the girl. They looked like they weren't being nice. I was worried, because the girl, whose name was Dani, looked kind of scared. The group was picking on her. I watched in wide-eyed horror, pulling my earbuds out. What could I do?

Obviously I couldn't go help her. I'd be targeted as well, and I wasn't going to let that happen if I could help it. So I stood up, ran towards them, thinking, Well, this is the stupidest thing you've ever done, idiot.

I put my arm around her quickly, saying, "Hey, your mom is here to pick us up. Let's go."

And I rushed her the heck out of there. Dani looked at me with thanks in her eyes. "Makenna, right?" I nodded. "Thank you. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't step in," she said, her arms pulling up to her chest in a grateful movement. I shrugged, feeling awkward.

After that, we sort of became closer. Dani was very quirky and sweet, and had very straight, straw-like, straw-colored hair. Her eyes were very hazel, and her skin was pale. She was a little on the heavier side, but honestly, that made her even more beautiful. She had a very distinct look, but it was beautiful nonetheless.

After we hung out during school, she asked me, "Hey, do you want to come to church with me this Sunday?"

I was taken off guard by the question. "Church?" She nodded, saying she'd send me the details. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but it'd be nice if you came. I don't have many friends at church," she admitted. I shrugged yet again, saying I'd ask my mom.

Church was an awkward subject for me. I didn't know what to do, seeing as I'd never really gone before. I supposed it seemed like a sort of field trip for me, in a way. My friends came up to me afterwards and asked me what was going on.

  "Dani asked me to go to church with her," I said, shrugging like it wasn't a big deal. A big girl named Kira laughed. "Church? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Like you're going to go and learn about God and crap like that. None of it's real, anyways. Just a load of bull to make idiots spend money."

  Except she didn't actually say crap. I shrugged. "I might go." They all laughed, making me blush. "Seriously? That's so stupid. You're going to go to freaking church? God, that's just sad." They made me uncomfortable saying that, so I mumbled that I probably wouldn't anyways. "I guess church is stupid," I said, even though I knew it was wrong.

  Even though I wasn't a Christian, I shouldn't judge those people. They can believe what they want. It was in the Constitution and everything. No way was I going to tell my friends that I kind of wanted to go.

  Sunday rolled around, and I looked around in my closet for something to wear. Dani came in to help me pick something out. She wore a pretty dress with flowers on it and her hair was braided up. She helped me choose a white blouse and a leopard-printed miniskirt with some flats. Then she pulled my hair half-up-half-down, and we left the house. My mom enfolded me in a hug, and she murmured in my ear, "I'm proud of you for choosing to go."

  The church was really big. There was a huge bell tower and it rang loudly over and over, signaling that the service was starting. We rushed into the sanctuary place, and I felt a bit uncomfortable, seeing that I was one of the only people with dark skin there. Dani ushered me to a spot close to the front. The preacher stood there, waving around and welcoming several people.

"Welcome again, everyone, and welcome to the people who are joining us for the first time! Please take a moment, if you will, and greet your neighbor this beautiful morning!"

Everyone did so, and I felt awkward as I nodded to a few people, smiled, and shook hands. After the opening talk, the church pulled out songbooks and sang a song called "How Great Thou Art." It was bizarre, yet strangely beautiful. Something about all of those people, different in every way, coming together to sing a song about the faith they shared.

"Today I will be talking about how God is coming. His final promises were to come back down, and save us all. Jesus will help us repent, and we will all join Him in heaven!"

The preacher talked about how God was coming, and I listened intently. Something he said stirred me inside. I felt almost emotional as I heard stories of people who were saved by God's good grace. I wanted to go to heaven, even if I wasn't sure I believed in it. I just kind of hoped it was real.

After the service, my mind swirled around with thoughts about what the preacher had said. He seemed very kind and loving, and I wished I could talk to him more about faith. I genuinely wanted to know. He was so passionate. I wanted to be saved from sin. I wanted help getting away from people who mock faith and hurt others. I wanted God to help me. Did I really believe in Him, though?

No, I suppose I didn't. But I thought maybe He could be.

When I went home, I wrote in a journal describing how I felt. Later, my friends laughed about church and religion, as per usual. They kept talking and laughing, making me more uncomfortable.

  As they mocked Christianity and God, something inside me snapped. "Will you guys please shut up?"

  Everything became completely silent. Everyone looked at me. I couldn't breathe. So I just left. And I never looked back.

  Dani and I became great friends, and I kept thinking about going to church that one time. God was coming. God was with us. But who was God?

  Who was He, and why did He love me? What did I do to deserve love like that? I wasn't even sure I believed in Him!

  I am not a Christian now.

  I do not believe in God; I don't know who He is. I do not understand faith or anything like that. I do not believe in God, and I am not a Christian. But something about that church service changed me. I look towards the future with open arms and a blank slate. My heart sings for joy, cries for love, and longs for hope. Maybe I could find that in God, if I could just believe in him. But not today. Just not today. Maybe someday, but not today.

  I am not a Christian, but maybe someday I will be.