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━chapter one!
( 1 day later! )
Lizzy had learned to accept things for how they were. I mean, If she didn't, who would? Lizzy had always been so sure, so definite to follow the rules because naturally Sam and Dean wouldn't. She often found a sense of security and comfort in the certainty that rules and regulations brought her. She could always count on following orders, on obeying a higher authority so that if she were to screw up, the blame would be off her.
but it was extremely difficult to follow any kind of direction when her family's morals were so out of wack. She only found herself being able to leave the motel rooms or bunker when given permission by her brothers (which wasn't often). In fact, the only reason she knew what the average life of a youth was like, was because of Jody who'd been apauled at the fact that she'd never had a teenagehood or made friends her age, thus forcing her to go to a house party.
but for the majority of her life, she'd been alone. Not physically, of course, Sam and Dean were always there, but she'd always been the odd one out. Her brothers often only hung out with each other, always playing and fighting and talking and all around inseperable while she would be sat on the sidelines, researching for them or playing a game of chess byherself.
She almost seemed a hollow shell of a girl. She never smiled for no reason, never got too excited and never got overly angry. She was the polar opposite of the boys who were willing to lay down heaven and hell for each other. And what stung the most was that she knew she wasn't included in that equation.
the only moment in her very young life she'd ever felt like she was truly with her family was when her father was around. Perhaps it was simply because he liked to give orders and she was always willing to follow, or maybe it was because Lizzy had always reminded John of mary, and he clung onto those resemblances like the last he'll ever see of her because in a way it was the last thing he'd ever seen of her.
Back when their father was around, Lizzy wasn't as silent and estranged from everyone one else. Back then, John would at least try to make small talk instead of barking orders all the time. Which would even make Lizzy smile from time to time.
But now, seventeen (almost eighteen) with no real motive for why she was doing what she was doing and feeling like a stranger to her own flesh and blood, she was never really happy. Being there was like having a sudden horrid itch on your back but not knowing the cause. She wasn't happy, she wasn't comfortable, she wasn't safe and didn't feel a sense of belonging.
belonging.
A word she desperately hated yet wished to be associated with no matter the cost.
Jack was one of a kind. That was for sure. He was the literal spawn of Satan, hated by Dean, pitied by Sam, seen as an abomination by the angels and a prodigy by fucking Satan.
It wasn't hard to feel isolated in a world where all the species hated you, the ones that didn't thriving off the misery of others and the species that didn't know what you were would be horrified if they found out.
Try being four months old and living with that.
In a strange way, Elizabeth Winchester could relate to Jack. She never felt like she belonged, especially since the death of her mother and even less when her father disappeared. Had she ever seen the world? Will she? will she ever get the chance at a normal life? and will she ever get the chance to be a child?
The answer is no. Because like jack, she never got a childhood. She had to grow up too fast, too soon and as much as she ignores it and as little as she thinks about it, she knows it is a fact. It looms over her head like a dark storm cloud that follows her wherever she goes and there is no way in all of hell, heaven, and purgatory she's gonna escape it.
So she sucks it up and deals with it.
And there are times when it hurts. There are times when she hides or leaves for a couple of days by herself to a cafe or a motel a few blocks away just to see if Sam and will notice.
They don't.
And it hurts. It hurts her so, so, much. And hurts even more when she can't figure out what a certain creature is or how to kill it or how to save or to turn it human in the early morning or late nights when Sam or dean calls her up from a hunt a furiously scold her for not studying. It's those two, three, four am calls from her big brothers that makes her cry for hours and sob into her hands because she's trying so hard and it all feels pointless.
And right now it is one of those mornings (or nights...she can't really remember) and Sam just yelled at her. 'stupid kid!' and 'do you even read the lore?!' and 'don't bother.' keeps playing in her head like a record that only masochists would enjoy.
She's sitting on the floor, four books piled in front of her as tears continue to slide down her cheeks. She hiccups and coughs and sniffs and her head is really hurting. She wants Sammy to call her back and she wants him to listen to her when she says 'i'm not stupid, it's early.' and 'yes, but it's in old Slavic and I've been translating for hours.' and finally 'i will even if I don't want to because you're my brother and I love you.'
A while ago, Castiel would have rubbed her back or smiled at her sympathetically. But he's not here right, and now there's no one to tell Sam or dean they're being too harsh on her.
her legs are crossed and she's over her knees as tears fall into her lap. She feels a hesitant hand ghosting over her shoulder blade before setting down firmly on her back, running soothing circles that create little warm spots on the back of her t-shirt from the friction of this human hand.
she tenses up for a moment but slowly melts into the small affection. She looks up and to her right, begging to see Cas or her mom or even her dad. But she's pleasantly surprised when she sees jack on his knees to match her height, smiling at her ever so slightly.
Lizzy leaned her head into his chest and continued to cry, silently this time, unaware that every tear was making a sad emotion tug at Jack's heart.
a/n: i haven't proofread because it's too long but im kinda happy with this
