"Don't go," she said, I wouldn't mind but I'm cold inside. She. She's gone. The reason why I'm feeling so miserable. Jane. I ruined her. She was eighteen months clean until she met me. I should have been a better person and supported her more, I wouldn't have needed drugs to isolate myself from the world with her around. Too late. I've felt this bad for so long I'm scared I'm fine. I was happy with her, yet I still went and ruined everything and now she's not around anymore.
I went outside today hoping the sun would burn my face. I don't have anywhere else to go. Jane's father, the landlord, kicked me out. He's a real asshole, but on second thought, I did basically kill his daughter. I went outside today hoping I'd feel something. I can't go to my friends' places, another human being is the last thing I need right now. I won't let anyone see me with these red eyes that I already drained from tears and this ugly, puffy face.
Guilt? Sadness? Nothing anymore. Save room for me in memories. I opened the glove box of my car. Yeah, it's still there. I'd love to always be a small part of what makes you smile from time to time. I'll be better, Jane, I promise. Just think of me and be glad I'm home.
Let's close our eyes, we've got time to make each other cry. I put out my cigarette and threw it out of the window. The wind was making me shiver, so I closed the window. What was in my glove box, you ask? Self-protection, my gun. There was no way it would protect me from anything or anyone, though. It's best this way, I'm used to being left behind.
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Guilt Tripping {songfic}
Fanfiction[TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts/intentions + Breaking Bad S2 spoilers] Jesse Pinkman, alone in his car with his depressing late night thoughts on a guilt trip. song: frnkiero andthe cellabration - Guilt Tripping
