Lost words or - feelings

Chapter 1 of- My Mask

-This takes place way back when Lance was still the blue paladin because I liked it much better when he was like that.

Okay, now I'll start.
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Lance pov:

I hate this. I hate all of this. I hate lying to myself, lying to the others. Telling them "I'm okay" when I'm clearly not. I hate pretending to be somebody else. Somebody that's happy, flirtatious, cheerful. The jokester. I hate being THAT person but that's the person everyone knows me as. But that's not the real me. That's the outside, the real me is on the inside. Where I hide all my feelings, fears and insecurities that I've bottled up since I was a kid. The feelings that I could never tell anyone because I know they'd just run away.

I never had much friends because of this because once they found out they stopped being my friend and ran away. That's when I started hiding. Hiding behind a mask of smiles, a mask of happiness. I'd bottle up all of my feelings and only let them out when I was alone. I'd never tell anyone how I was really feeling.

Then I met Hunk. He made me happy, the kind of happy I've never felt in a long, long time. And even though we're best friends he still doesn't know the real me. He knows just enough about me as everyone else. Nothing. Because you know if I did tell him, he'd run away. Everyone does...

But everything is getting so, so much harder to hide. Now that I'm stuck in space, a Paladin Of Voltron. It's getting so much harder to keep inside. Because every little slip, every little mistake. I get the blame. Even if it wasn't me. Shiro still finds a way to pin all the blame on me. Same with Allura. She blames everything on me or tells me to be more like Keith. 'If you were more skilled like Keith then this wouldn't have happened! Or if you had just payed attention, like Keith would, this wouldn't have happened!' And when they start yelling the little voice in the back of my head comes back telling me 'See, they're basically calling you useless! You're weak! Isn't that why your mom left you behind? You can never be as good as Keith!'

At first I was angry but then I soon started to realize that Shiro, Allura and the little voice in the back in my head were right. So, now I guess I gotta prove it to them. I started to train more, pay attention, ask less questions and just be quiet. I thought things would get better if I had just listened! But apparently doing what they had told wasn't good enough!
I'm slowly starting to break and they don't even realize it. They don't even realize that I don't laugh, smile, makes jokes, flirt. Let alone talk. They don't realize that I'm slowly starting to become the real me.
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Lance pov:
I sit down in my regular spot which, unfortunately was right beside Keith. I kept my head down most of the time, staring at my food. Hoping that if I stare long enough the food will disappear or better yet, me. But I know that won't happen. I keep staring until I feel someone lightly touch my arm. I let out a gasp as they touch me. "Lance." Keith says sternly. "Yeah?" I say slowing putting up my head. "Are you okay?" Of course not! Why would I be? After the way you guys have been treating me? Putting me down all the time, calling me stupid and a goofball? Yeah, I'm seriously fine!-that's what I should've said instead what came out of my mouth was "I'm fine." I say like I always do, but it's not like they can tell the difference. "Are you sure, you're not eating?" Keith says looking a little worried while pointing at my plate which was full of food. "Yeah. I'm just not hungry." I say pushing my plate farther onto the table. Then I stand up from my chair and start to walk towards the exit. "Lance, today we'll be taking a day off of training. Okay?" Says Shiro looking at me like I've already messed something up. "Okay." I say although I feel like crying then I take a deep breath before walking out the door and down the hallway to my room.
I get to the door of my room and stop for a moment. As I feel a tear run down the side of my cheek, I quickly wipe it away then, put my hand against the door, and close my eyes. I count down from 20. I always do this before I go into my room because sometimes it stops me from having panic attacks, I know it doesn't make sense but it works.
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^^^ so how was that for my first try? Please tell me if you like it and if I should write more.
~Krystle