Hidden Pain

Chapter 1

I walked through the hall to the kitchen silently, not wanting to wake my father. I searched through the cabinets for food, hoping my father wouldn't find out I had taken food. When I was younger, back when my mom was alive, I would sneak food often, but for a different reason. I wouldn't sneak food out of hunger, but simply because I wanted a piece of chocolate. Back then I loved sweets, and I still do, even though I rarely have them. Sometimes I feel as if I'm still a little kid. I'm much more mature, and smart, but I love the same things as kids. I loved the little things in life, the things that most people wouldn't think twice about, such as the soft chirp of birds in the morning, or the sound of a babbling brook. My father hated those sounds, because they reminded him of my mother. He likes sounds that are much more harsh. Such as the crack of a whip, or the sound of bones breaking as he beated me senseless.

I turned to look at the clock. 12:30 am. I hadn't gotten much sleep that night because I had been attempting to patch up a few fresh cuts my father had given me. I knew i wasn't going to get much more, because I woke up everyday at 4:30 to clean the house and make breakfast. Then I got ready for school, applying heavy coats of makeup to conceal my bruises.

I froze in place as I heard the door to my father's room open, and his rough footsteps leading to the kitchen. I dropped the food I had been holding and quickly hid it, so he wouldn't find out. He stormed into the kitchen, turned the light on, and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me into the living room harshly and threw me onto the ground. I winced in pain as he slapped me across the cheek. He grabbed a whip that had been resting on the counter and unraveled it. He cracked it at my arm creating a new cut that I would have to tend to later. Then he grabbed my wrist and dragged me to my room where he threw me onto the ground once again.

"Don't ever steal food again you little bitch," he spat.

The sound of my father's phone ringing in a nearby room caused him to leave, which allowed me to tend to my wounds. I pulled out my first-aid kit and disinfected the large cut on my arm. I groaned at the thought of having to wear a long sleeve shirt to school tomorrow. I knew it was going to be warm, and I was planning on wearing something more suited for hot weather.

After I was done cleaning the cut, i looked at the clock. It was only 1:00 am, so I knew I had a few hours to sleep before I had to start my chores. I lay down on the floor; my father refused to buy me an actual bed. He thought I was just a waste of space, time, and money, but for some reason he wouldn't kill me. It puzzled me because he was always talking about how awful I was, and how he wished I didn't exist. Sometimes I wished he would just kill me.

I shook the thought out of my head as I slowly let my eyelids fall. I dreamt of nice things for once; my dreams are always filled with the crack of the whip I dreaded so much and my father's evil glare and cruel smile leering over me. Tonight, however, I dreamt of a boy. A boy with spiky hair and kind eyes like balls of warm fire from the hearth who smiled at me as if I was the most precious thing in the world. I dreamt of this boy kissing my scars and telling me I was his light. And for once, I smiled and rested happily instead of my frequent tossing and turning. The night passed peacefully for me, and it was all too soon that morning came.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. The clock that usually saved me from the torturous dreams that I experience every night. This morning, however, the clock did not save me, but rather pull me out of my lovely fantasy. I sighed sadly at the dream, because I knew it would never come true. I knew that i would never experience the love that i had felt in that one dream. A love so passionate and special that I would gladly give my life for a simple taste of it.

I turned my head to the clock, noticing that it was already 4:30. "Shit I'm late!" I thought. I ran out of the hall wincing in pain as my cuts sent a new wave of pain through me.

As I did my chores, I thought about my new school. I thought about the hope of a new start, a new life. I quickly discarded the thought. People like me aren't allowed to get a new start. People like me don't get or deserve love like the love in my dream. People like me stay alone their whole lives and die sad, like I know one day I will. I couldn't help but hope that that day is soon. I often thought of taking my own life, knowing it would be easier than waiting for my own demise.

I sighed. No time to ponder this now. There were chores to be done and school to go to. I finished my chores and headed to the kitchen to begin breakfast. I was never allowed to make actual breakfast food, because it reminded my father of my mom. She always made breakfast in the morning. I was only allowed to eat one meal a day, and usually that was dinner; that was why I was so impossibly skinny. I often got bullied at school for this.

"Anorexic bitch."

"She's just doing it because she's a slut."

"Yeah, news flash, slut, no boy will ever love you."

These were the kinds of words I used to hear everyday, and i expected to hear them again at this new school. I was used to the cruel words though, My father used much harsher language when he spoke to me.

I checked my watch. 7:10, it read. I had to leave for school now if I wanted to be there on time. The school wasn't that far away, but I had to walk because my dad didn't let me use the car. Even though I was seventeen, I had never learned how to drive.

I ran through the door quickly, and made my way down the street towards the school, Fairy Tail High. I burst through the doors just as the bell rang, for my first period of the day. Nothing horrible happened, I just walked to the back of the room and sat in a desk in the corner. The teacher did ask me to introduce myself, however, but I just did the standard thing. My name is Lucy Heartfilia. I used to go to Phantom Lord Academy. After I introduced myself, I plopped back down. The teacher, Mr. Makarov, asked me if there was anything else I'd like to say, but I just shook my head no, and I didn't say a word for the rest of class.

The day went by quickly and similar to my first period, Soon it was my off period. I decided it was best if I looked around the school a bit to get to know it better, since I had no lunch to eat. I was walking briskly down a hall, when all of a sudden, I collided into someone, sending their books flying.

"Sorry," I said quickly.

I wasn't one for making friends so I didn't intend on staying long to chat. In fact i was just about to turn and walk away when i felt a strong hang wrap around my wrist. I winced, because this feeling reminded me too well of what my father would do before he beat me. I prepared for a beating, but instead I heard kind words.

"Why ya wincing? I'm not gonna hurt you," I turned around to see the very same boy from my dream. The boy who showed me the most love and affection I had ever felt.

"Hey my name's Natsu! Natsu Dragneel! What's yours?" The boy asked.

I said nothing as I felt my face flush a brilliant shade of red. Without a word i turned swiftly and walked the other direction. I put the thought of Natsu out of my brain. It was foolish of me to dwell on a boy I'd met in a dream who probably had a girlfriend. There was no such thing as love for a person like me, and that's just how it is.

But I would soon discover I was wrong.