Hidden Pain

Chapter 3

I woke up later still hanging from the ceiling. My arms ached, and the burn still stung. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I saw the figure of my father turn the corner with a knife. A small whimper of fear escaped my mouth. I closed my eyes preparing for pain, but none came. I fell to the ground with a thud and sighed with relief as I slowly let my arms drop. I rubbed my wrists gratefully, but soon my father grabbed me again and began dragging me down the hall to my room. He threw me to the ground and slammed the door behind him as he left. I looked at the clock. If I didn't hurry I would be late for school and my dad would be angry. The only reason I'm even allowed to go to school is because it was my mom's last wish that i graduated college.

I sighed and pulled out my kit. As I disinfected my wounds, I wondered why my father bothered to keep me around at all. Sure I knew why he kept me in school, but why not just get rid of me? He sure hated me enough. I figured it was just because I was cheap labor. I sighed. No time to dwell on this now. I had to get to school

I opened the door to my first class and took my seat in the back as usual. Usually, I was accompanied in the back by a petite girl with short spiky blue hair who was never without her laptop. She'd tried getting me to talk before, but soon realized her efforts would be fruitless. Most days, she left me alone. I was grateful for it. In all my classes, I had somehow managed to be able to sit next to someone that had learned quickly not to bother me.

As usual I had no lunch today, so I decided to study. If I didn't get A's, my dad would beat me far worse than he already did. I hurried to the library and sat down in an open seat.

"Hey!" I heard a familiar voice call. "I never got your name!"

It was Natsu. "Why won't he just leave me alone?" I thought.

"Uh.... Lucy," I murmured.

"Nice to meet ya, Luce! Can I study with ya?"

I took a step back.

"Actually I was just leaving," I said hurriedly before running out the door down the hall.

I heard footsteps come after me and turned around to see Natsu following me. I turned the corner hurriedly and ran through the double doors that lead out of the school. As soon as I arrived outside, I could feel the warm sun on my face. I sat down on a bench just outside my school. Soon, however, Natsu caught up to me and sat down next to me.

"Why did you run?" he asked "I'm not gonna do anything to ya,"

I cringed at these words. The very same words I heard my father say just before he beat me.

"I'm not gonna do anything to you, i just want to have a little fun with my little girl,"

And I believed him. Every word. Every phrase that manage to escape his drunk lips. I had believed them all. What else was i supposed to do? I was only seven. I had no idea that it would escalate to how bad it was. When I was young, I thought everyone was beat by their dad, until I went to school for the first time.

Natsu snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, you ok?" He asked.

I thought he was worried, but dismissed the thought. Who would be worried about a worthless bitch like me. He touched my shoulder lightly. I cringed again.

"Uh, yeah...I'm...I'm, uh, fine," I barely managed to say.

I wasn't good around people, I had never been. It was my dad's fault, it was always my dad's fault.

Natsu smiled, and it warmed me up inside. Suddenly I heard a voice calling his name, and a girl with short white hair appeared. She was giggling happily as she turned the corner.

Natsu smiled. "Hey Lisanna!"

They began to talk, and any semblance of hope if had before now melted. Of course he had a girlfriend. And even if he didn't, why would he even think about liking someone like me? I got up from the bench quickly and headed back towards the school. If I hurried, he wouldn't be able to find me. The period was almost over anyways so it didn't really matter.

School was over shortly and soon i was walking home. I was about to turn a corner when I felt a strong hand wrap around my wrist. My heart rate quickened, and I whipped around to see who it was. Once I did, I breathed a sigh of relief. Of course it was only Natsu who had a wide grin as per usual.

"What happened earlier? Why did you leave? I was about to introduce you to my cousin Lisanna.."

So it was just his cousin after all.

"Hey i was wondering if you wanted to hang out after school tomorrow," he said.

I was shocked. I stepped back and replied quickly, "Maybe..." "What am i thinking, my dad will find out for sure if I do hang out with him," I thought, and without saying anything else, I turned on my heels and ran.

"Lucy!" I heard him call behind me, but I didn't look back. I kept on running and turning right and left until I was a block from my house. I was going so fast that I tripped and scraped my knee against the hard cement. Before I could get up and keep running, Natsu was beside me.

"You ok?" he offered me a hand, but i rejected it and stood up by myself.

I pushed past him and attempted to continue to my house but he grabbed my hand again, twisting me around.

"What's wrong with you?! What have i done!? I just met you and i'm trying to be friends, but you keep rejecting me! what 's wrong with me?!"

The words stung like the hot iron rod that burned my skin. I could feel tears form in my eyes as they silently began to fall. Natsu noticed this and released me. I crumpled to the ground and threw my hands up to my face. I wished I could say something. I wished I could befriend this kind boy, and eventually, tell him of my plight. I wanted to be able to tell him about my mom dying and my dad taking it out on me. I wanted to tell him about my regular beatings if i wasn't home on time, and most of all, I wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. I wanted to cry and scream that it wasn't his fault. That it was all because of me. That it was my fault. All my fault. I knew that i deserved this because it was my fault Mom had died. My fault, all my fault. This is all my fault. All my fault. I thought silently to myself. If I hadn't been born none of this wouldn't have happened. My mom wouldn't have gotten sick from giving birth to me, she wouldn't have died, my dad wouldn't have become the hollow broken shell of the man he once was, and Natsu wouldn't have to blame himself for something he didn't do. If i had only died instead of my mom during labor things would be different.

"All my fault...all my fault. This is all my fault," I murmured to myself.

I had begun to rock back and forth with my head in my hands. My crying had slowed but quiet sobs still escaped my mouth. I continued to murmur to myself over and over again. "All my fault.."

Natsu began to shake me, "Lucy! What's all your fault!? What's going on?! Say something please!"

I just continued to rock back and forth slowly. "Lucy..." he was cut off by the sound of a car. I looked up in fear. It was my dad, and expression of false worry covering his face.

"Lucy!" He called, "Are you alright?"

"Are you her dad?" Natsu asked.

My dad got out of his car.

"Yes, I was wondering where she was, and I decided to look for her."

He knelt down beside me, a look of false concern on his face.

"Oh my dear sweet Lucy," he said, "She's had these sorts of attacks since her mother passed away."

"I'm very sorry to hear that," Natsu said, the corners of his eyes turning down.

My dad picked me up. For now, his touch was gentle, as we were in the presence of someone else, but I knew that as soon as we got home, his touch would be far less gentle. I wanted to wriggle out of his grasp, but I couldn't make myself move. I couldn't do anything. All I could do was let myself be placed in the back seat of the car, watching Natsu's face fade away into the distance as we drove off.