Impulse [Raulson]

Second Place

I read somewhere that one of the steps in leaving an abusive relationship is to have a second place to go to in case things got really bad.

My anxiety was through the roof. It made it hard to concentrate and I had to take several takes for one scene. How could Lily went on her day like that unbothered? Meanwhile I already took 2 xanax since an hour ago panicking over the thought of Lily coming home to her abusive ex after today's shoot. Lily's acting was incredible, as usual. Maybe she was just being professional and I was being a shitty actor.

As soon as my scene was over I head to my changing room and locked myself in. My chest felt heavy and I started to hyperventilate. There was no way I was taking another xanax, the come down after would be too much since I've had 2 already.

"Sarah?", Lilly called from outside the door followed by a knock.

"Can I come in?" She said.

"It's really not a good time, Rabe." I said struggling to get all the words out.

"Sarah, is everything ok?" She asked, this time while trying to open the locked door. She stopped knocking and started banging. I really didn't want to make a scene and attracting people's attentions so I unlocked the door and let her in.

"What happened? What's wrong?" She said freaking out.

I shook my head and laid on the couch. My brain kept telling me that that was it, I was dying. We never get along, my brain and I. It kept telling lies and gave me urges to do stupid things.

"Panic attack. Please don't panic, you'll stress me out even more." I explained as short as possible.

"What can I do? Should I call someone?" She panicked, not as I instructed.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. She kneeled to be on the same level as the couch I was in and squeezed my hand. Not sure why she did that but her strong grip snapped me back to reality a little. At least enough for me to opened my eyes and looked her in the eyes.

"Stay at my place, Rabe. Pack your things and make a nest out of my shitty apartment." I said out of breath. She couldn't believe what she just heard.

"I-I'll think about it." She stuttered and started tearing up.

"Good enough." I said.

We stayed on that couch holding hands for at least an hour. Ryan was kind enough to let me take a break to calm myself down. We ended up shooting one more scene before I got another attack and Ryan decided that I should probably go home and take the day off. So I did, except I went to Amanda's house and not mine. It would remind me of Lily and possibly cause another panic attack.

Couple days went by, Lily and I went out a few times and had real talk about her moving to my apartment. Lucy helped but still it was her decision in the end.

Rabe
Can we meet?

Lily texted one morning. Reading the text I called immediately.

"Hey, where do you want to meet?" I asked.

"I can pick you up and we can decide later." She said.

"Sounds good to me."

She didn't say anything after that and hung up the phone.

"Every things ok?" Amanda asked.

I nodded. I haven't told Amanda about the abusive boyfriend situation. When it comes to being protective, Amanda could be over the top sometimes. An hour later there was a knock. I rushed trying to get to the door before Amanda but she got there first.

"Lily! Looking for Sarah?" She asked, I could hear her from the other room.

"There she is." Lily said pointing at me behind Amanda.

"Are you ok?" Amanda asked. She could sense it. That was Amanda's special talent, noticing when something is wrong. But that day it wouldn't take someone like Amanda to tell. Lily was wearing a cap that covered literally half her face and an oversized sweater. All I could see was her cheek and they were red.

"It's fine. Let's go Lil."

I took her hand and rushed to her car. Lily waved her final goodbye at Amanda before getting inside the car. We drove for a bit, total silence. I got so used to it I didn't bother to try and find a topic to talk about anymore. Her hands were trembling on the steering wheel, gripping it hard as if she was going to fall. We went to a familiar street and pulled over. We were in front of my apartment.

"You wanna check out my apartment before you move in?" I joked around. She didn't seem to find it funny.

"You know what, when you've decided that you wanna move, that place is all yours. I'm not going to stay and bother you." I said seriously this time.

Lily turned to me, open her cap, and cried. That was when I realize it already got bad. There was a bruise around  her left eye and her cheek was so red I don't think it was from crying.

"That's it. You're moving out of that house." I exclaimed, holding her hand gently as if trying to hold a thin glass.

"You go upstairs right now, whatever you need, I could buy them for you." I said while Lily was still covering her face with her hand, crying.

"I don't even know if I want this baby." She cried.

"We'll talk about it later ok? But right now you gotta stay as far away from him, you understand?" I asked, trying to make her drop her past life behind and move on.

She looked up, finally got herself together. There was no trace of the happy embarassed Lily I first met in my changing room. No trace of happiness at all. It was so heartbreaking I had to look away.

"Sarah." She called. I looked at her and she turned to look at the back seat. How could I not noticed all that? I looked too and there there were, all of her things. The little remaining things she had in that house with her boyfriend, cramped in the back seat.