Weak

Prolog

"I'm sorry I left you."

Do I really need to say that? Do I really need to apologize for something that I don't even know if it's a 'fault' or not?

When I left you, I didn't know if you were sad, happy, or simply felt nothing at all.

I didn't know.

I left you in silence. I left you without words being said. Although I have so much to say, but I didn't feel like I deserve to say them.

We were nothing even before I left you. The thought of what we were before this happened keep haunting me.

We were nothing.

We're just two teenagers with a same obsession over movies, comic books, and celebrities. We're just two people who love rambling about our favorite characters on movies or those Hollywood celebrities.

We're just two people who love to talk about random things until the time has passed midnight. We we're just two people who are both curious about the universe.

Yet here we are, being stuck in a big wide universe that we always confused about. Maybe falling in love with you is something that deserve to be blame.

Can you imangine how weak I am, falling for you just because of those regular things that happened between us? Yes, call me weak.

I fell in love with the way how you make me feel valid. I fell in love with the way you make me feel like "hey, we're just the same.."

I fell in love with the way you make me feel like I am your whole universe. I fell in love with the way you make me feel like we're known each other for so long.

Well, the worst thing about falling in love with the someone make you feel is that.. Do they feel the same about you? I guess we'll never known.

I choose to leave you even before one of us have the chance to tell how we really feel about each other.

I choose to left you because I don't feel like I'm strong enough to keep holding on.

All this time, I've been holding on so much. I've been holding on my feelings for you.

I tried to show them but you keep acting like they mean nothing.

I left you because I don't want myself to drown in all these one sided feelings. I don't want this to be a one side love story.

I left you because I don't want to get my hopes too high. Well, again, all these was just how I really feel about us.

I never know your honest thoughts about us. I do want to know,  but like I said before, I don't feel like I deserve to say something that much to you.

I don't deserve to fall for you because those reasons that make me fall for you are ridiculous. To think of them already makes my stomach sick.

I don't deserve to fall for you.

I'm sorry I left you
Not because I don't love you anymore
But because I realized that there are no such thing as love between us.

— Kallie, your best girl.

—

Saturday, 20th October 2018