When I awoke this morning the first thing I saw was your long eyelashes, squished tightly together and entwined like brambles. I looked for a long time, trying to figure out where they began and ended and found only the calm rhythmic hum of your sleeping breath. Your eyes flicker open and a smile erupts across your face like a trickle and then a raging river. Your black hair strides so smooth I wish I could play with it all day. Your dimples catch the sun shining in from our bedroom window and I am awe-struck by your beauty.
Whenever you look at me I see happiness in your eyes, and hope, and love, and even some days I see our future written across your face. But still, there are days when all I see is that pain, just beneath the surface. Those gnarled claws that scratch hard and deep in your stomach, that make you lie awake at night. The ones that make you feel ready to make it end, to give up everything you have for a glimpse of peace. I can see the light of your soul ricocheting off of those claws just behind the flickering, glittery gold speckles of your irises.
See, when I look at you I see the most beautiful soul I've ever had the pleasure of pouring myself into. I see the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I see a man who deserves everything the world has to offer, and I can't help but want to experience every single beat your heart has to give. I love you from here until Jupiter and back again for all of eternity. I love you from the tip of your toes to the top of your head. I'll be your knight in shining armour, and I would prtect you with all my might and soul. And I would slay a thousand dragons, cross a thousand deadly seas, climb the tallest mountains and still fear that pain in your eyes because it means that I wouldn't get to wake up to your breath on my cheek, my hand on your hip, the low rumble of your chest as you cuddle me and sing me good morning. I wouldn't get to live my life with the girlI love.
Sweetie....
I can stay alive without you...
but I would never call it living.
I miss you, H
