Pain - My Constant Companion

Harry stared from distance as the man he loved with all his heart, laughed loudly at something his lover has said. The other man snakes his arms around his waiste and leaned in to give a lingering kiss behind his ears. He moaned throatily, causing Harry to shiver in pain and pleasure. Harry still watched, even as the other man mouthed wet kisses all along his throat and finally reached up to kiss him fully on his soft, plump lips. Harry watched as he ran his hands on his clothed back, fisting his shirts in desperation and clawing at his shoulder in pleasure.

Harry has long since forgotten to analyse his actions in the categories of right and wrong. Because Harry knew his actions were very much wrong but some unknown force always compelled him to repeat the same things day after day. Harry tried, he tried bloody hard at first, fighting earnestly with his inner demons whom Harry felt like taunted him every single moment for his weakness, for his abnormal wantings, for his freakishness. But Harry have obviously lost those battles, for he now stood, watching shamelessly as the two men, whom he loves equally, make love with each other. It was all intoxicating for Harry's tingling senses and he had to restrain himself from practically running upto them and throwing himself in between them. But he couldn't, he wouldn't do it.

By then, they were practically naked. Harry's voyeuristic nature still not properly in place, he turned away from them. Amidst all the moans and groans that were being emitted by the two men he desired with all his being, he walked away from there. He wanted to just drown himself in his own unending misery and never come back up to this cruel reality. He made his way to his own room and quickly closed the door. He didn't want anyone to interrupt his moments of peace. Harry collapsed on a couch in front of the fireplace. He curled into himself and stared blankly in the fire. The previous scenes running rampant in his mind. Harry let them play out cause they were the only source of comfort that he could ever find in his life. An unrequited love was just another point of the long list of misery that life has thrown at him. Harry have gotten rather used to the pain now. It was after all his most faithful and constant companion.

Harry doesn't remember how much time has passed, but the insistent knocks on his door wake him up from his tranced sleep. He sighs heavily even as he made his way to the door. When the door opens, the two man whom he have just now witnessed making out with each other were standing at his door with big grin on one's face and a warm smile on the other's face. Suddenly hot anger courses through his veins. Irrational pain gripped on his heart, making him almost choke.

"What is it?" Harry asked, slightly harsh. The smiles dimmed on their faces. Harry almost regretted, but only almost.

"We just wanted to talk to you." Sirius replied uncertainly.

"I don't want to talk. You two should leave." Harry snapped and tried to close the door shut but couldn't. He opened it again to see that Remus was pushing on the door, making him unable to close it. Harry clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth in frustration.

"What happened?" Remus asked softly with curious look. Harry faked a bright smile on his face with practised ease.

"Nothing. I'm perfectly fine. I just don't want to talk with anyone right now. Would you mind?" Harry said in an overly cheery voice which sounded fake to even his own ears.

"What's wrong Harry? You know you can talk to us about anything and everything." Sirius tried. But that just served to make Harry even more worked up.

"I already said I don't want to talk right now. What part of it you two don't understand?" Harry bit out impatiently.

"Oh, we understand perfectly well what you are telling. But forgive me, if I just want to know why my own godson is suddenly acting strangely." Sirius snapped at him furiously. The word 'godson' made him go stiff like a rod.