Tags? / My Stuff

...Excuse Me...

Here is another rant....

Please don't read if it might get you triggered......

Fair warning.

Have you ever felt like you're not worth anything? Like you don't matter? Like life is just some game the universe decided to throw you into. As if you're some toy.  A thing to be played with.

~For entertainment purposes only~

Some days, life feels like this. A game. Some toy. To entertain the crowds of people who choose to watch you. Way too close.

Of course, there are people who care. People who managed to wedge a way into your cold heart. Even form a relationship with you.

But when you start to have those feelings... Those... thoughts... about wether you should be alive or not... that's when you have to get help.

I always need help.

I'm always thinking about suicide.

And there are amazing people out there who help me.

Everytime.

I appreciate it. But, one day... might just be the last. All things must come to an end. Wether it be good or bad.

Wether you want it to or not.

Wether you choose to let it or not.

Everyday is a struggle for me.

I wake up, remembering I'm a fuck up. Go on about my day telling everyone "I'm fine!" Or "I'm okay!"

These things plague my mind.

Everyday.

I'm always wondering when I'm going to die. Pass off to the other life.

Burn in hell.

I never know.

Everyone has a love.

Wether they choose to accept it or not.
They have that special someone in their life that takes pain away instantly. Makes you smile with one word. Make you feel butterflies in your stomach... everytime they say something sweet...

I have that... that one person....

Who reads this ... they know who they are...

You make me so happy.  Make me smile. Make me feel like I'm worth something... I appreciate you. And I apologize for all the pain I caused you.

I do truly love you.

You always make me happy.

I'm not okay.
I'm never okay.

But. I'm always here.