I'm really afraid of being soulless.
That one day I'm going to look up to find nothing but emptiness and a lack of existence that numbs me staring back.
I was suicidal, but my anger burned and kept me alive by charring me from the inside out.
No, it's nothing compared to losing yourself.
Sometimes I feel dead.
Sometimes it's so quiet that my thoughts scream.Nothing seems able to break them.
I want to cry,
But then I forget why I'm sad and find myself unable to.It's hard to connect.
I want to bawl my eyes out and feel stupidly happy over one I love or even genuinely hate someone for hurting me,But nothing lasts long enough.
It's not blackness.
It's a lack of color altogether.It's being blind and trying to picture a rainbow.
It's faking tears at your grandfather's funeral and not understanding why.
What's love?
What's being so happy that words can't express it?I do know frostbite.
It's this perpetual chill that follows me constantly.
I blame it on poor circulation.
I don't know if that's true.I wish I could feel excited like I'm supposed to.
Why couldn't I genuinely smile when I was surprised with my first car?I can't function normally.
I don't understand,But I'm really afraid of the quiet.
But I really love the quiet.I fear becoming unrecognizable.
I think all the time about those close to me dying and what I'd feel,
Like I'm rehearsing it.
I would never hurt them.
I just want to cling to humanity and be perfect and hold on for God's sake.
Humanity's slippery.
Yeah, it's nothing compared to losing yourself.
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