If you had stayed a little longer,
I'd have been able to come up with a way to express the core of my anger
Which is that she needs to be the center of attention at all times.
I have always deferred the spotlight to her,
Being that is my responsibility as an older sibling alongside many other sacrifices;
But I fear I have wanted your attention for a long time now without realizing.
There's a word for this kind of emotion -
One that only as I am writing this have recognized myself -
Envy.
I want the spotlight she has for my own,
As well as for her to feel what it's like being unbearably alone even surrounded by the people who are supposed to be closest to you.
I want her to suffer as I suffer.
Maybe then she would come to appreciate that her fragility is made sound in the invisible sacrifices I make everyday, because then she in turn would have to make them for me.
I want to be reassured too.
I don't think you understand the position I've given you your whole life.
I don't think I realized the consequences of my pure intentions.
I would be a different person if I had not given up the familial bonds yet to be.
I regret much.
