Bubblegum.. Popped

From this day forth

I couldn't even explain what has happened over the last few days. My life was a complete mess starting from the day I was born. It was difficult for me and I know Alex has been like my bestfriend since I was 9 but he didn't know everything about me.. He especially didn't know that each day I was getting sadder and sadder due to the fact of my tangled life. He didn't get it.. He had a mom and dad perfect together and his dad didn't hide from him for years like mine did. I didn't know what to do anymore and I surely wasn't going to let Alex know about any of my thoughts. I lied on my bed crying my eyes out and thinking of everything. Suddenly my phone buzzed beside me.

Alex <33

I really do love you with all of my heart Isabella. Goodnight beautiful. :*

I silently cried harder and threw my phone across the room. I couldn't do it.. I couldn't be Alex's girlfriend, bestfriend, friend. I couldn't be apart of Alex's life because I knew I was going to just bring him down. I would just confuse him and make his life tangled like mine. He already knew the beginning of everything that was on its way to come and he didn't need to know anymore. Not when I'm broken like this..

I silently fell asleep and my pillow was soaked with tears.

*the next morning*

I woke up with puffy eyes and messy hair. I sat up and walked to the bathroom rinsing my face with water and brushing my hair. I then quickly changed into some black skinny jeans and a blue lace crop top. I pulled on a long black cardigan and some black boots. I knew what I had to do today..

I called Alex and asked him to meet me at the park as soon as possible. He gladly agreed and I couldn't believe I was actually going to make his mood change for the worst today. When he arrived at the park I felt my heart break to pieces. Some part of me wanted him to cancel and say he couldn't make it. But here he was walking towards me smiling like the happiest man on earth. And he probably was.. For the moment.

((OKAY RIGHT NOW PLAY THE SONG POSSIBILITY BY LYKKE LI FOR THE EFFECT OF THIS CHAPTER . COMMENT IF YOU CRIED WHEN YOUR DONE READING . BUT SERIOUSLY PLAY THE SONG))

My heartbeat sped up and tears started forming in my eyes.

"Alex.." I started but he cut me off when he enveloped me in a big hug.

"I love you so much.." He whispered in my ear.

I lightly pushed him off of me and looked into his eyes. He looked so confused and hurt. I hated doing this.

"Alex.." I started again.

"Bella are you okay?" He asked.

"No I'm not." I said looking down. "Alex I can't be your friend anymore.. I can't be your girlfriend or your bestfriend. I can't be a part of your life Alex." I said as tears fell from my eyes. I refused to look at his face afraid to see his reaction.

"What are you saying Bella..? Why not? Why can't you be in my life?!" He asked and his voice sounded so strained.

"Alex! I'm going to bring you down! Everything is going to come crashing down in your world with me around! And I don't want that to happen to you!! I don't want to see you hurt because I care too damn much about you.. You had to come save my stupid ass yesterday and I don't want you running around all the time saving me. I want you to move on with your life, get a girlfriend that doesn't have all this baggage to carrying around and doesn't need you saving her from her own family. Find someone who doesn't have so many secrets and is so unhappy. Alex I'm an unhappy person, I don't want to have that take an effect on you so you are unhappy too. I can't lie to you anymore but I can't explain everything to you so I've decided to let you go. I let you go because I love you Alex." I said and my face was stained with tears. "It's okay if you hate me.. I'd actually expect you to hate me after all this." I said crying some more.

I finally took the chance and looked up at him. Tears were falling from his eyes and I had to use every muscle in my body to not reach up and wipe them all away.

"I don't hate you.. I will never hate you.. Because I love you too much to hate you Bella." He said wiping away his own tears.

I shook my head and looked back down. "I'm so sorry Alex.. I'm so sorry." I said before walking away back to my house. I couldn't look back. I was too scared to see his hurt face. I was too scared that he'd coming running after me and I'd break down and open up to Alex and ruin the wall I just built up. So I ran home. I ran the rest of the way and I was so thankful Alex didn't run after me. Once I was in my room I called my mom.

"Hi sweetie everything okay?." My mom answered.

"No mom.. I'm going down to New York.. I'll explain when I get there but I'm leaving tonight. I should be there by tomorrow." I said still crying.

"Okay honey.. Be safe please I love you so much and I hope you feel better. You best explain everything to me tomorrow." She said concern laced in her voice.

I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

"Okay bye mom I love you." I said before hanging up and grabbing a suitcase. I threw in everything I could see and zipped it up. I sat on my bed and quickly called Amanda.

"Hello?" She answered surprised I even called her. We've been so distant lately. "Pack your stuff, were going to New York. I'll explain everything on the plane. Just tell your mom my mom invited us to visit for a while." I said before hanging up and getting into my car on the way to Amanda's house. I'll I knew was id have a lot of explaining to do.

((A/n: so I finally updated but I don't like this chapter to be honest. It feels rushed to me and in all honesty it did make me cry because wow the song just gave it such an effect.. Anyways please please please check out my book drop dead it would mean the world to me . Oh and idk if this will be upsetting you guys or nah but this book might end in the next couple of chapters because Im losing inspiration as well as readers. No one seems to read the story anymore and I feel like everyone is losing interest as well as myself. When I first started writing this it was so much fun and now I feel like it's a JOB to update and I'm falling behind. The chapters keep turning out short and confusing and I keep getting writers block.. Also school will be starting soon so that just makes it a whole lot crazier.. Anyways I'm sorry with my boring authors notes but anyways enjoy and comment what you Thought about this chapter. Bye-Emily))