Never Be

{3}

Aria's POV

I thought of all the different outcomes to my answer. What secret? That my dad left? That I hate my friends? So I sat there, with a blank face and my mouth slightly open.Then I finally decided on a answer.

"What are you talking about about?" I said, confused.

"I think you know what I'm talking about Aria." He insisted, placing his hands behind his head and leaning back.

"Enlighten me." I challenged.

"Why are you making this so difficult Aria!" he said frustrated, "I just want to help you."

"Help me?" I repeated, "Seriously Ash, what are you talking about?"

"I know Aria. I know..." he paused, "about the cuts."

I froze as my face turned expressionless and white. How did he even find out about this, I mean it's not like I hold up a sign saying "Hey I cut my wrists, wanna see?" Why would I, it's my personal business.

The more I thought about it, my body started shaking rapidly, and it was fucking hot in here. But I knew why, and I knew I couldn't stop it.

"What cuts Ashton, what are you even talking about?" I said shaking.

"Dammit Aria! You know! I've seen them. So stop the fucking act." He demanded.

I tried getting up, but my body refused to move off of the bed. It was as if my legs were tied together and my arms were glued around my body.

"H-how'd you find out?" I managed to get out, my voice cracking mid sentence.

"When you went to pick up your notebook, I guess I was paying extra attention. My eyes just found it's way to your arm. I guess your sleeve went up a little bit, but enough for me to see them." He replied.

My mind instantly replayed the exact moment that it happened. It replayed over and over, as if I was pressed the replay button every time it stopped. My eyes grew wide realizing I was in way too deep to get out of this.

"I want to go home." I said softly.

"Aria, I just want to help y-"

"No, Ashton I want to go home." I replied, my voice growing louder.

"NO!" He screamed at me, standing up becoming way more frightening than before. His muscles tensed up and his face looked angry. I sank back on the bed, wishing I could just disappear into it. Once he saw me like that, defeated, he sank back too. He started pacing around the room mumbling things like "I can't loose another one," "Calm the fuck down," and "Not again, never again."

Then he looked over at me and knelled down, so he was at my eye level, with me on the bed, and him on the floor. "Aria," He said his voice cracking, and I swear I saw a tear escape from his eye "Please, PLEASE just talk about."

And even though this was the last thing I wanted to do, I looked him in the eyes. His were pleading for me too, and I just don't understand why. Why would he want to help me? Did he just want to go tell people my secret, ruin me? And I don't know what I was thinking, but once I saw that look in his eyes, a "fine." slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

His eyes lit up and he returned to his spot across from me on the bed, sitting with his legs crossed again.

~~~

Ashton's POV

She had scars on her wrists. And I was curious, I couldn't fathom why such a beautiful girl slit her wrist every night.

So, I asked her, "Why?"

And she said, "You know how anesthesia makes people feel better?"

That's when I understood.

She continued on telling me why, "Slitting my wrist makes me numb, it makes me forget about everything, and everyone. It's like anesthesia to me. It makes the pain go away."

"I see," I paused, "But why? Why hurt yourself and not the people who hurt you?"

She thought for a moment but then looked up at me, "Why would I hurt them, when it's obvious I'm the reason they did it. It's my fault." She said, her voice cracking.

She continued, "It's all my fault Ashton. You don't understand, it's all my fault, and it always will be." And I don't think she even noticed, but the tears were begging to fall from her eyes, but it was as if she forbid them to. She forbid them to fall, cause she wasn't going to allow herself to feel any sympathy to herself.

"Aria look at me." I said, and she did, and I looked at her face. She looked broken, shattered. She didn't look fine, her face was drained of color. But even though others would've looked at her with pity, thinking she looked her worst, all I could do is look at her and see how beautiful she looks. Her lips were cracked, her face was white, her eyes were bloodshot, and her makeup was streaming down her face. But she was still the most beautiful girl in the world, even at her worst. And that's when I realized I couldn't lose her.

"It's not your fault." I said. And those 4 simple words caused her to close her eyes, allowing the tears to escape. She finally let her wall down, and she finally took a deep breath. I got up and sat by her, and just held her. I let her cry and I didn't say a word. She placed her head on my shoulder and just cried. And this went on for 45 more minutes, but I still didn't say a word, and I didn't move. I just held her. Cause she needed it, she needed somebody to hold her together. And when she finally stopped, she looked up at me and said, "Why? Why do you want to help me, what's the point?"

I looked down at her and told her the story. I told her the story I hadn't told anyone in 5 years. "When I was younger my sister committed suicide. And I blame myself everyday for it, and I'll never forgive myself. She had just started middle school and I guess she was being bullied at school, and even online. And I was the only one ever home, but I didn't even notice Aria. I didn't even notice anything was wrong with my baby sister. I was so oblivious to the whole situation, to wrapped up in my own life to even give a shit. To think, my baby sister was in a room right across from me, probably cutting and I had no idea. And one day I walked out of my room and knocked on her door. And she didn't answer. So I just walked in there, and you know what I saw Aria?' I paused, the tears already streaming down my face, she nodded her head no, "I saw my little sister. Dead. Just lying there in the corner with a bloody knife right beside her. And she even left me a note, and you know what it said, It said 'I love you Ashton, thank you for always being there for me.' AND I WASN'T. I WASN'T EVEN THERE FOR HER. I LET HER DIE!" I screamed. "And no matter what anybody says I'll never forgive myself." I finished with the tears still streaming.

And I guess that's when she decided it was her turn to hold me, because she wrapped her tiny hands around me and let me cry onto her. And with that, she whispered, "I'm so sorry." and broke down too.

~~~

So I know I don't have 60 reads yet, but i realized that I only have like 2 chapters so I'm not going to start goals yet. Does anyone have any good playlists on 8tracks? If you do PLEASE comment them down below. Anyways, I love all of your comments! Every single one I love even if you think it's stupid I love you. Please vote and comment your thoughts on the chapter. I love you all, DM me if you need to talk. xx

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