Never Be

{4}

Ashton's POV

It's like nothing changed. It's like I don't exist in her world. She hasn't looked at me at all today. It's been 6 hours with her in the same exact building as me and she doesn't give a fuck. She passes me every single hour, and just looks over and smiles and laughs and her "friends." But they don't know. They don't know the smile's fake. That smile on her face you see, it's all a lie. That's all it will ever be. 

A lie. 

I just don't get it. Why wont she just let me help. Why wont she let anyone help. It's like she's hidden behind her own wall, with an army pushing their way through, trying everything. Shooting, bombs, pushing, climbing, everything. But she's put a border around it so nobody gets in. 

So when I walked in 7th hour class and there she was, sitting at the desk in the back, right by the window; I couldn't take it anymore. She had her notebook already pulled out and was working on her next drawing. So I pulled mine out too. I tore a piece off and wrote, "Hey :)" on it, passing it to her. She didn't even look at it, she just took it and stuffed it in her backpack.  

And she went back to drawing. And I went back to reading.

~~~

Aria's POV

I didn't want his help. I didn't need his help. It was a huge mistake even telling him. But I couldn't take it anymore. I tore off a piece of paper and wrote "I'm sorry." and passed it to him. He didn't even look at it, he just took it and stuffed it in his backpack. 

And he went back to reading. And I went back to drawing. 

~~~

Once the 7th hour bell rang, I immediately grabbed my things and rushed out of the door. My shoulder brushed against Ashton's and I felt his stare devour my image. I ran outside and ran across the street, rushing past everyone. I just wanted to get away from all of this. Start my own life, away from everyone. My getaway. 

"Aria!" I heard Ashton demand, as he ran over to me. I continued to walk as he was following right behind me. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He said. I turned around and stared at him.

"Everything Ashton. Everything. I know I'm a fuck up and I don't need another person to remind me."

He just looked at me, his hazel eyes growing softer, and got in front of me and started walking.

And for some reason I followed him. 

~~~

Ashton's POV

We walked in complete silence. Until I stopped at the place. She sat down on the wooden swing and I leaned against the old tree. 

"Why?" I asked. 

"I lay in bed for hours, in the dark, at night, thinking about every possible thing I fucked up in my life. And it hit me. I can't fuck up this."

"What do you mean?"

"This." she said. "I can't ruin you, like I ruined myself." 

We sat in complete silence until I broke it. 

"You know what's the funny thing?" I paused, "You sit here, cut up wrists, voices in your head, faking a smile everyday, yet you look at me and tell me you don't want me to be ruined. But Aria I don't want you to be ruined, but it's to late. You ruined yourself and I'm going to fix you, I don't care what it takes to get through your wall. I don't care if I have to break every single one of my bones and throw myself at your wall. I won't stop at anything to fix you, Aria. Even if I end up completely broken. All that matters is that you're finally okay."

"Why?" She asked, in her soft whisper, "Why Ashton!" She said louder, getting off the swing. "Why do you still want to help me when all I've been was a complete bitch to you?" 

"Because everyone needs someone to pick up the pieces, and figure out where the hell they go." 

We both let out a laugh and then it returned back to complete silence, I focused on the sound of the light breeze slowly working its way through the trees. Then I heard Aria take a breath before saying, "Where did you find this place anyways?"

"I used to come here with Lauren when we were little. We would just sit here and talk about life for hours. It was a great escape from life for a little bit. Just me and her." I replied, looking up at the old tree house. 

"That's amazing." She said, walking towards me. 

"It really is." 

~~~

After spending hours in the treehouse just talking about random topics, we both noticed the stars outside, shining perfectly on us. 

"After you." I said, gesturing for her to go down the ladder. She climbed down the ladder and jumped off once she hit the last 2 steps. And I followed her. 

I took off my sweatshirt and placed it on the ground for us to lay on. It was the perfect temperature out here, at least for me. But looking at Aria I could tell she was freezing. 

I layed down and gestured for her to lay beside me. So she layed down right beside me and snuggled into the crook of my neck and I wrapped my arms around her small waist. 

We took a minute just to take in the glistening stars above us. 

"Can I see them." I asked. And I guess that's all she understood the question right then cause she immediately shook her head no. 

I placed my hands in hers and looked her in her gorgeous eyes. "Aria, I promise you I would never judge any inch of your body, I just want to see you. The real you." 

She looked hesitant but she sat up, and pushed both sides of her sleeves up. I trailed my eyes up and down her wrists. I saw bunches of cuts, all different sizes. Some were so faded you could barely see them, but there were also some that were beat red. 

"I want to see all of them." I demanded. 

She slowly pulled up her shirt and showed me the cuts on her stomach, and I saw the cuts on her shoulder, and her thighs. 

I carefully ran my hand over each of the cuts, and I carefully placed a small kiss on each of them. 

"You do not need to be insecure about these. These are your battle scars. And I'm not saying your battle is over, but I am saying, you now have yourself a personal army to help you through it." 

I looked up at her and she gave me a small smile, and we returned to our old spots. 

"Thank You." She said.

And then I asked a question I'll never forget asking.

"Why are you so depressed?" 

"I don't know," She started. 

"maybe it's because at 4 am, I'm alone." She continued, refusing to look up at me.

"maybe because this world is so fucking cruel."

"or maybe it's just because I'm tired of living."

~~~

YES I'M BACK. AND I MISSED YOU! did you miss me? Thank you guys so much for sticking around and dealing with my nonupdating. But I'm back! Also you should check out my other story 'Broke' I love you! Dm me if you need to talk. xx Lauren

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