Neighbor // j.b feat. c.b [bwwm]

twenty-five | showers

"i should've said this yesterday but i had a really good time getting away with you. i'm glad we did it."

I woke up in bed naked, entangled in Chris arms and the white sheets on our bed. Flashbacks of last night came to me as I blinked my eyes, adjusting to the room around me. I immediately felt guilt once I was fully awake. What happened last night wasn't really wrong, but it wasn't what was best for me in the long run. It felt good, amazing actually, but I knew I'd regret just letting him have me like that. Even if I deserved to feel good, he didn't deserve to have me again. In that way, or any other way.

It took a lot to pry myself from his arms. I loved the way he held me, like I was precious and he just wanted me close to him. I wonder if he ever held her in the same way. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised.

"That's Justin?" he asked. My phone had only been ringing for less than three seconds before he asked. I grabbed my phone as I sat up on the side of the bed, the sheet loosely wrapped around my body. I saw Justin's face taking over my screen once I looked at it. I just let it ring until it stopped, relaxing my arm as I let out a sigh.

"I guess that's a yes." Chris said. I turned around to him getting out of bed and standing up. I couldn't help myself from letting my gaze travel all around his naked body, taking in every curve as thoughts of last night came back to me once again. I don't know how I could feel so guilty but still want to wrap my legs around him again. How could I hate him and want to kiss him in the same moment? It didn't make sense. As I was caught up in my thoughts, my phone went off again, and Chris paused his tracks.

"Did he really leave a voicemail? Guess you had a fun trip, huh?" he looked at me before going into the bathroom to take a shower, I'm assuming. I took this time to actually check my phone. I had multiple texts from Justin, a missed call, and a voicemail. All his messages seemed to be laced in regret and feeling sorry. I felt like the worst person ever. I was so upset with Justin yesterday about his possible motives then I come home and sleep with the man who's been cheating on me for months. My decisions made just as much sense as my feelings did lately. None at all.

"Why are you acting like I'm the one who cheated on you?" I sat my phone down, threw a big t-shirt over my body and followed Chris into the bathroom just to see what the h*ll his problem was. The sound of the water hitting the tiled shower floor was loud but I knew he still heard me as he stood there washing his body.

"C'mon, Ivy. Stop playing that innocent sh*t. You know what you're doing." he replied.

"And what am I doing, Chris?" I hopped onto the sink and watched him as I waited for an answer. He rinsed the soap off his face and wiped his eyes before turning his head to look at me. He shook his head instead of speaking, and looked down as he finished washing the rest of his body. I sat there, waiting. We were going to have this discussion right now no matter what. I wasn't sure how much time had passed before he was turning off the water, grabbing his towel and wrapping it around his waist as he stepped out of the shower.

"I know you're trying to make me jealous, Ivy. You want your get back. For the tour... for Jade, all of that. But we both know you're not leaving me. So you can drop this act you're doing and leave that white boy alone. I'm home now." Chris was now just a couple feet in front of me, drying off his body using the towel that was previously wrapped around his waist.

I sat on the sink, watching the man who I've loved for so long turn into someone that I'm disgusted by. In this moment, I feel no love for him. I feel no attraction, just disappointment. I couldn't believe how fast my feelings about him could just change. Was he always like this or is his jealousy making him talk out of his a*s right now? Maybe he's feeling himself since I didn't immediately leave him for cheating. Whatever it is, it's about to be the thing that haunts him at night.

"It's over." I said. His head shot up to look at me. A face that once held nothing but ego and arrogance now looked like it's entire world was shattering. I mentally rolled my eyes. He cannot be serious right now. "I'll have my stuff out as soon as I find a place. I can stay elsewhere in the meantime if you don't want me here." He stood up straight, holding his towel in one hand while he rubbed his head with the other. I know him well enough to know that means he doesn't know what to do right now.

"Nah... you can stay here. For however long you need." Not another word was spoken between us before he left the bathroom.

Chris left the house after he got dressed. I didn't know where he was going, and for the first time in years I didn't care or feel the need to know. Instead,  I decided to take a shower and go over to Justin's house. I wasn't exactly sure why because I had no idea what I wanted to say to him, but I just felt like he deserved to at least be free of the silent treatment I was giving him. As much as I'm still figuring him out, I can't justify being upset with him after I just slept with the man that blatantly cheated on me. It just didn't feel fair to him.

"Ivy? Hi- um. I called you, did you get my voicemail?" Justin's nervous tone was apparent the second he opened his door for me. I'd be lying if I didn't think it was cute that he seemed so worried about me being mad at him.

"Yeah. I didn't check it, I just decided to come over instead." I told him. He moved out of the way and allowed me to walk into his home, closing the door behind me as I went to his living room and sat on the couch. Cartoons were playing on the tv, some show I've never seen with a blue dog looking thing and his orange friend. I could feel Justin sit down next to me and noticed the volume on the tv being lowered. He hadn't said anything yet but I felt his eyes watching me as he was probably waiting for me to say why I even came over. I turned my head to the left to look at him, meeting those beautiful hazel eyes that I've grown to love over these past few weeks. I couldn't help but to feel even more guilty as I looked into them.

"I'm sorry." we said together. His eyes went from holding sadness and worry into pure confusion. I could tell that he didn't expect to hear that from me.

"I shouldn't have accused you of not being genuine with me." I explained. "You were in a tough position and I should have considered your side of things. It's not fair that I immediately questioned your motives." I continued. He's never given me a reason to believe that he was using me. Throughout the time that I've been getting to know him, he's been kind, helpful, considerate, and overall a great.. friend. "You're the last person that I should be questioning at this point in my life." I finished. The room fell quiet, aside from the soft sounds of the tv still playing.

"I felt... torn. I'm friends with this guy who I think is cheating on his girlfriend and, at first, it's none of my business because I'm not even sure that's what's going on yet." Justin pauses as he turns his body to face me more. "But then... I pay more attention. I watch her a bit more. And I can't help but to think... man, this guy would an idiot for cheating on this amazing girl in front of me." he finished.

"I appreciate that." I told him. And I mean it. Sometimes I can overthink things, especially lately. In those moments I start to question myself... it's nice to hear that someone else thinks highly of me. I deserve so much more than what I've been settling for out of love and comfortability. Hopefully this breakup, and this friendship, starts a new chapter for me.

-

okay so... for some reason i have the urge to write for fun again and this story is the most fun for me.

i've decided to finish this. idk if anyone will be reading but i will be writing it anyway. lol

the story will focus on ivory and justin more from this point on. i'm still telling it the exact way that i always wanted to but i decided to stop annoying y'all on purpose lmao i'm also making ivory's hispanic friend(s) less stereotypical because i was young and ignorant to certain things when i started this story so i want to correct them.

to whoever got this notification and decided to click it, i love y'all. <3