The Average Wonderings Of The Trauma Induced Teenage Mind

Part 1

I keep having this same reoccurring dream where someone walks into my classroom to kill everyone and i stab them?

It's not the first dream that i've had of killing people, it's just a weird curiosity and fascination i have with how the human body reacts to different forms of death, but it is the first where i've been stopping someone from killing a lot of people by killing them.

I think it may come from my strange need to please and be praised. I hate doing things wrong and being yelled at but at the same time i want to do them really bad? I don't know if that makes any sense at all.

Basically i think the dream comes from the fact that i want to kill someone but not get into any trouble for it. Like in this certain dream i'm pretty sure my act would be classed as some sort of heroism and self defence.

Sometimes i just get the urge to stab someone really hard in the fleshy part of the stomach just below the belly button. I'm not sure why but i've always had a weird need to do it. I think i'd like to know if it looks the same as it does in books and movies. Like they always say that the victims eyes go wide and their mouth opens and they cough up blood. This also leads me to wonder if different people have different reactions?